Sad Clown

Mall Santa 101

"Is that a candy cane in your pockets Santa"
The last words of the little boy

"Santa i have been a very good boy this year and i want to ride a- OOOOH A CANDYCANE!!!!"

(him changing mid sentence was the worst mistake of his life)

My name is Uncle Knobby, I hang around primary schools
Underneath my raincoat, I'm always totally n*de
I show my navel fluff collection to lots of fully-clothed men
I get a full ere*tion, and have to rush to the gents
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
Why do you hide in the bushes? What have you done with our clothes?

I introduce my p*nis to hamsters, gerbils and mice
I like to read Fiesta, and peek at the reader's wives

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, where's our special treat?
Why do you keep taking pictures and sniffing our bicycle seats?

I grummidge in my portfolio, which is full of Tampax ads
I look up my own bottom with mirrors from ladies' handbags

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
We've never seen any dild*s, we don't want to wear pantyhose
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, Why have you smeared us with cake?
We don't like standing in custard, and we don't want to play with your snake

-Macc Lads 2014