Sucking spaghetti ain't just for the gays any more, fellas. It's a very useful bartering tool that I have personally employed for the last decade. But you're going to want to hone your skills first before putting them into play. Practice on bananas or cucumbers to start. When you feel comfortable, get together with some buddies for a suck session and critique each other until you feel confident. Now it's time to put the schnitzel where your mouth is. A few months ago, I applied for a position at Jersey Mike's Subs. The manager told me I was grossly unqualified and one of the most incompetent people he's ever met. He was singing a different tune after I tickled my tonsils with the tip of his prick. I've been making subs thirteen hours a week ever since. But it doesn't end there. You can use your schnitzel sucking prowess to conquer many of life's little obstacles. Got pulled over for speeding? Suck that bratwurst! Long line at the supermarket? Suck your way to the front! Wife mad at you for sucking so much spaghetti? Suck hers! It's 2017, boys, and it's time to relinquish your homophobic tendencies. Swallow your pride, then swallow that load!
