you know , it happened to everyone here , we all felt the same , and i can tell you something , you can try to learn from that , why it happened , what has been done for that to happen , what was wrong , and next time , you'll be ready
The first time is worse than all the others put together, but the emotional rubble settles into a solid foundation for future relationships to rest on. And if they're all super hard, it just means your feels are working. Congrats for not being dead inside!