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just wanted to get some weight off my chest

just wanted to get some weight off my chest | I don't even fucking know where to even start with this vent. I kinda wish I never made an imgflip account despite knowing that doing so stopped me from committing suicide. I don't necessarily want to be dead or have someone in my life either, I love being alone, but I just sometimes feel like everyone thinks I'd be better off dead. I know I probably shouldn't talk about this more but I still fucking hate veni and want him to go to hell for grooming me. I just keep fucking having these weird dreams or hallucinations and some of them are vividly sexual and I keep having these stupid feelings where my brain tells me everything is my fucking fault and it's probably because of him. I know it's not what I am but I keep feeling like I'm some useless fucking freak who just wants validation and attention. I hate the fact that I can't even trust my own goddamn family because some voices in my head told me to harm them awhile back. Ontop of my grandfather repeatedly yelling at me (one time he even grabbed my wrist to stop me from running) and my dog sexually assaulting me when I was in 3rd grade shit just keeps getting worse and I'll never do it but I keep having moer and more thoughts of self-deleting. I just feel like I have all these bottled up emotions that I need to let out but I just fucking can't. I can't even get therapy because I'm paranoid that those bastards will put me in a mental asylum or arrest me or rehabilitate me. Like I know that I AM trans and aroace but in the back of my head I keep telling myself that I'm not and I'm just doing it for attention like my useless fucking brain always does. I think I'm autistic? Nope I just want attention. I just attempted suicide? No I didn't, I'm faking my death for attention. My arm is bleeding from self harm? No it's not. Attention. I'm just fucking sick and tired of this bullshit. /srs vent ahead 
tw lots of self degradation and some mentions of sexual/emotional trauma and sh read at ur own risk | image tagged in nepeta um | made w/ Imgflip meme maker
80 views 2 upvotes Made by anonymous 1 year ago in MS_memer_group
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24 Comments
0 ups, 1y
Tamn | image tagged in tamn | made w/ Imgflip meme maker
Tamn
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
Damn… I wish I could help. I’m very sorry and I wish I could help. I hope it gets better for you eventually.

“I love being alone, but I just sometimes feel like everyone thinks I'd be better off dead.”
“I keep having these stupid feelings where my brain tells me everything is my f**king fault”
“I keep feeling like I'm some useless f**king freak who just wants validation and attention.”

First of all, I’ve been here. I know the feeling. Even though you may feel like everything is our fault, a lot of it is outside of your control. Sometimes stuff just happens and we have to deal with it. What I like to do is play video games to help me forget, or at least turn my anger/sadness on something else. I’ve heard games like Tetris are surprisingly are great at relieving stress (though I personally don’t believe that, might just depend on the person though). I suggest doing something you like, it could be drawing, reading, anything if it calms you down.
[deleted]
1 up, 1y,
1 reply
Yeah. I haven't really found anything though.
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
I hope you find a game you like eventually. Some of my favorites are most Pokémon games, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon (I don’t have Explorers of Sky but I’m told that’s the best one), SCP Secret Lab, Mario Kart 8 Dx, and MCC. I play Apex Legends too but honestly it isn’t that great anymore.
[deleted]
1 up, 1y,
1 reply
I don't play SCP because the tall white man scares me.
0 ups, 1y
That’s fair. In SCP Secret Lab, players are randomly assigned a role, SCP, D-class, scientist, or guards at the start of the round. You have a chance of becoming SCP-096 (personally I don’t like the play as 096, I much prefer 939, 173, and 049). Current playable scps are SCP 049, Scp 096, SCP 079, SCP 106, SCP 173, and SCP 939, though in this halloween update, SCP 3114 is currently playable as well. Also, not all of the scps can spawn in a game unless the lobby is large enough (I think you need about 35 to 45 players in the lobby to get all scps. Most servers rarely run above 25 max players. SCP 096 doesn’t usually spawn in with SCP 079 in this scenario because 096 usually breaks doors and 079 needs doors to play the game well. So yeah, some times shy guy doesn’t exist in the game. It’s possible to juke him out while he’s in rage (when players do this, everyone in spectator goes crazy if it’s cool enough).
[deleted] M
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
made w/ Imgflip meme maker
I might read allat
[deleted]
1 up, 1y,
1 reply
What do you use for that
[deleted] M
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
Uh to determine the parapragh/essay’s iq and other stuff ig
[deleted]
1 up, 1y,
1 reply
What site
[deleted] M
0 ups, 1y
https://www.writingtoiq.com/
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
I read allat
[deleted]
1 up, 1y,
1 reply
thx
2 ups, 1y,
2 replies
Just be careful since sitemods don't want suicide posts here 💀🤦
[deleted]
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
it was kind of more of a vent and i never directly said i would do it
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
I know, but yknow how sitemods are
[deleted]
0 ups, 1y
yea
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
shitmids
0 ups, 1y
They also hate that word 😐
[deleted]
0 ups, 1y
relatable sorry dude
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
i read allat
[deleted]
0 ups, 1y
thx
[deleted]
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
I ain't reading all that but it sounds serious, hope things get better in life bro
[deleted]
0 ups, 1y
Yea u dont have to it was just to get shit off my chest
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I don't even f**king know where to even start with this vent. I kinda wish I never made an imgflip account despite knowing that doing so stopped me from committing suicide. I don't necessarily want to be dead or have someone in my life either, I love being alone, but I just sometimes feel like everyone thinks I'd be better off dead. I know I probably shouldn't talk about this more but I still f**king hate veni and want him to go to hell for grooming me. I just keep f**king having these weird dreams or hallucinations and some of them are vividly sexual and I keep having these stupid feelings where my brain tells me everything is my f**king fault and it's probably because of him. I know it's not what I am but I keep feeling like I'm some useless f**king freak who just wants validation and attention. I hate the fact that I can't even trust my own go***mn family because some voices in my head told me to harm them awhile back. Ontop of my grandfather repeatedly yelling at me (one time he even grabbed my wrist to stop me from running) and my dog sexually assaulting me when I was in 3rd grade shit just keeps getting worse and I'll never do it but I keep having moer and more thoughts of self-deleting. I just feel like I have all these bottled up emotions that I need to let out but I just f**king can't. I can't even get therapy because I'm paranoid that those bastards will put me in a mental asylum or arrest me or rehabilitate me. Like I know that I AM trans and aroace but in the back of my head I keep telling myself that I'm not and I'm just doing it for attention like my useless f**king brain always does. I think I'm autistic? Nope I just want attention. I just attempted suicide? No I didn't, I'm faking my death for attention. My arm is bleeding from self harm? No it's not. Attention. I'm just f**king sick and tired of this bullshit. /srs vent ahead tw lots of self degradation and some mentions of sexual/emotional trauma and sh read at ur own risk