Trying to mindf**k oneself out of mental problems is a rather dubious prospect. Have you tried drugs? Better living through modern chemistry. A mix of various ssri/snri antidepressants, mood-stabilizers and atypical anti-psychotics can work wonders. Lithium's also worth a look. Lithium, lamictal, latuda and adderall are a potent combination. Welbutrin and pristiq are an alright combo in lieu of adderall if dealing with an actual controlled substance is too big a pia. You'll also need to fail on a bunch of other anti psychotics before insurance will cover latuda because it's like $100 a pill, but it works better and has a lower risk of side effects than other drugs in its class. Ketamine (prescribed under the name spravato) has shown promise, as well as psychedelics like psilocybin and lsd. Even mdma is being professionally administered to treat certain mental disorders. Transcranial magnetic stimulation could be worth looking into, and if all else fails there's the nuclear option of ECT--still the gold standard in reliable relief of treatment-resistant major depressive disorder. Plus it can cause amnesia--bonus!
All I'm saying is, at the point where you've got nothing left to hold on to, you have nothing left to lose by exploring any possible treatment modality a doctor will sign off on. Why not, if only wring a little more experience out of this three-ring shitshow called life? If all else fails, your final option will still be there. No need to rush straight to it.
