Politicians seem pretty convinced we need to go to war with an element. Soon we'll have to worry about our quark footprint. Maybe Dens will tell us neutrinos are the new enemy by 2055? Crazy!
7 STEPS THAT ALLOW STUPID PEOPLE TO CONTROL THE WORLD... Golden boobies? Acid toothpicks? Lead icebergs! Yeah! No Joe! Use the word carbon. Carbon rain? Maybe carbon footprint? STEP 1: INVENT A NEW PHRASE; Should we use camel farts in our calculations? Only if we divide it by the mass of a Rubik's cube! STEP 2: INVENT A VAGUE AND MYSTERIOUS WAY TO QUANTIFY THE NEW PHRASE; There were carbon footprints all over the road! What happened? STEP 3: ASSOCIATE THE NEW PHRASE WITH BAD THINGS; The Joker may escape us again Robin! It's ok Batman, using the elevator would increase our carbon footprint! STEP 4: GET CELEBRITIES INVOLVED TO SPREAD THE MESSAGE; Dude! Don't drive that car! You'll increase your carbon milkshake or whatever! STEP 5: ALLOW THE UNWASHED MASSES TO MISINTERPRET THE MESSAGE; That's a 400% decrease! Windows 10 uses 48% less camel flatulence than its predecessor! STEP 6: GET THE CORPORATIONS ONBOARD TO CONFUSE THE REST OF US; If you don't vote for me, your carbon finger paint... I mean footprint... will kill your children! Dead! STEP 7: CLAIM ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE THE NEW EVIL PHRASE GO AWAY
