Bad jokes only

So, a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, can you tell me a meta joke?” So the guy says, “So, a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, can you tell me a meta joke?” So the guy says, “So, a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, can you tell me a meta joke?” So the guy says, “So, a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, can you tell me a meta joke?” So the guy says, “So, a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, can you tell me a meta joke?” So the guy says, “So, a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, can you tell me a meta joke?” So the guy says, “Sorry, I don’t think I can. Can I have a martini?”

(I, the tomato, am irritated by the repetitiveness of your joke, and launches myself at you at 300 mph, resulting in two fractured ribs and minor intestinal bleeding)

*grabs a hammer from the hammerverse and smashes it*

(I, the tomato, does not react to this joke)

(I, the tomato, throw myself at you at the normal speed at which someone would throw a tomato)

why did the chicken cross the rode?

(I, the tomato, does not react to your joke due to lack of a punchline)

ok

UH… ummm… What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam.

I, a second tomato goes 194 million miles through your head

A

Places a computer in the room playing all of Amy Schumer’s comedy shows

(I, the tomato, reacts uncomfortably for a minute before launching at the computer at 278 mph, creating a hole through the center of the screen)

If you're flying in the desert and a tire pops on your boat, what do you do?

Blue, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

(I, the tomato, does not understand the joke and self-destructs, leaving you unharmed)

I, the second tomato goes inside of you and explodes

*places a computer in a room with you(the tomato), the computer plays a playlist of every video titled "offensive memes", and then I evacuate the room and observe through a 6-inch thick pane of military-grade ballistic glass*

(I, the tomato, has never seen an offensive memes video, but reacts how anyone would, and charges at the computer at 24 mph. The computer is broken)

Glass at 3090 degrees: Let me be clear with you.

(I, the tomato, throws myself at you at 300 mph, breaking your upper spine and pelvis, leaving you paralyzed)

(I, the victim, needs urgent medical care.)

(I, a random paramedic, is very confused as to how a tomato is lodged into a jackal's spinal column)

I, a second tomato goes 40 miles an hour through your heart

Nooo I forgot about the second tomato that has ears

Why are crows so funny?
Be-caws!

(I, the tomato, launches at your stomach at 12 mph, causing you to regurgitate your last meal and a little blood)

I got of that easy? Sweet!

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

(I, the tomato, is enraged, and launches at you at 47 mph, resulting in a broken rib and hand)

Unfortunate. At least I’m not dead :)

So my doctor told me I have dementia but I don't remember asking

How many cans do you need to make a bird!

Tu can

(I, the tomato, bombard you at 934 mph, causing instant death)

:(

Don’t have a pillow fight with the Grim Reaper or you will face the reaper cushions

I, a second tomato, throws myself at you with the normal force of someone throwing a tomato.

Bro that music is so old “ me” so is your mom but you still have to listen to her

(I, the tomato, explodes, sending seven pieces hurling at you at 19 mph, resulting in a bruised eye, two chipped teeth, and several tomato splotches on your stomach)

Oof

Jesus crunchy Christ

What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?

Sofishticated.

(I, the tomato, launches at you at 22 mph, knocking you unconscious)

why cant orphans be gay?
because they have no one to call daddy!

(I, the tomato, zooms at you at 137 mph, causing instant paralysis)

So my doctor told me I had dementia. Who asked?

(I, the tomato, zooms at you at 127 mph, resulting in a broken nose)