It's not trolling if it's true

Why does this make me feel worse about myself.

Funny thing that. My initial intent was to (sarcastically) imply that no one else would ever love you, so if you want to be loved at all it has to be by either you or no one.

After I posted it I realized it could also be interpreted as "love starts with you, so first love yourself and then others will too".

Either way there's a burden placed on you, which is a downer in itself. It's also possible your response was "screw that, I'm not taking orders from anyone, I don't feel like loving myself and no one can make me". (This probably misses the mark.)

Cheerful stuff tends to bum me out because it's a stark reminder of how shitty I feel. 🤷

Problem is, I don't love myself much so if I don't love myself then no one loves me either. Trust me, I have TRIED to love my self. So thus meme implies that I will live in a ditch 4 seconds after I am inevitably kicked out of college.
Sry if that was long and/or depressing.

Ah, there's the rub--some people WILL love you in spite of you not loving yourself. It can actually get annoying, partially because it feels patronizing or disingenuous (like do they just feel sorry for me? Am I a charity case? Does trying to convince me I'm loved make THEM feel better?).

It can also be frustrating to know that someone who really knows you also really loves you, when you can't see what it is in you that makes them love you. I trust their judgement, but I don't get it. Different tastes I guess.

A major obstacle is when self-loathing becomes a part of your identity. I self-identify as someone contemptible. I am that I hate myself. It's kind of a trap. I recommend psych meds. It's the modern age that drives us mad. It's only fair it also gives us a way out.

As you put it in saying "the modern age" (correct me if I'm wrong) mostly implies the internet. Problem is, I've been depressed since 4th grade. I just didn't know how to properly state it until recently. (well, not that recent). So if I'm not ranting about something completely and you think I'm stupid its not the modern age at all.

I meant the frantic pace of modern life, all the stress and pressure. The internet certainly doesn't help, but many ofter factors have been at play and gradually getting worse since the 50's. Since the industrial revolution even.

It's also worth pointing out that stupid people lack the self-awareness necessary to hate themselves, so whatever other things you may be, stupid is not one of them.

I could actually make a post about all the reasons I should love myself but don't.

There's a quirk of human nature called negativity bias. In short, people are naturally drawn to focus more on the negative than the positive. Used to think it was just me, like a design flaw. Turns out it's everyone. Fxcking bogus, but there it is: life is a mixed bag where you take the good with the bad, but the bad weighs more heavily and is constantly pulling us down. Not really any way around it. So feel bad but don't feel bad about feeling bad--that's not on you.

Glad someone agrees with me this much.

And I'll die 5 seconds into living in that ditch I forgot to add.

Oh, we aren't that lucky. If only we could just die. Fxck, that fantasy is what kept me going for quite a long time--the knowledge that eventually I get to die.

I haven't thought suicide ever, actually. If I committed suicide then that would make people sad and create more problems for other people.

You're also compassionate, which is commendable but unfortunately tends to feed in to depression. Feeling other people's feelings on top of your own is just too overwhelming.

Tell me about it.

Well, I'm sure you're sick to death of hearing it because it doesn't help, but you're not alone in feeling this way. There's a fxcking ARMY of people who feel like life is an endless, thankless, pointless slog and just try to get through each day without breaking down or snapping. Connecting with them is...well, if nothing else it's a way to pass the time. It's also nice to share a space where people kind of get it. Like maybe not your exact situation or mental state, but what it's like to be an outcast and judged by everyone. That can be surprisingly pleasant.