One day, I thought it would be a pretty good idea to put peanut butter on my dick and have my dog lick it
So yeah, I'm pretty f**ked up, I know. If it helps, I had a f**ked up childhood - Freud would love me. I had an extremely high sex drive in high school but no friends or girlfriend. Somewhere between high school and college I became a completely new individual with a new personality and I recognize that this was wrong, and I carry a massive amount of shame, and the more I think about it each day, the more I hate myself for it. I've seen girls receive support in this sub for things like this, so I'm hoping I can get it off my chest to you guys without receiving too much hate for it.
Lol, now here's the fun part of the post. One night, I wondered what it would be like to let my dog lick my dick with peanut butter on it. I didn't like it and I felt pretty weird, but my dog seemed to really enjoy it. My dog kept trying to lick my asshole and I would stop her, but she would fight against my hand to lick it. And let me tell you, it felt AMAZING. I decided to just let her do it, and I came within seconds. So, sporadically over the course of a few years, I probably let her do it around 5 times. And I regret it, so much. I just feel totally weird and ashamed and guilty. I mean, I didn't force her to do anything and she's got no trauma from it. She was probably just thinking, "Hey look! An asshole! Om nom nom."
My brain is so f**ked up. I'm on hella meds, I've got bipolar disorder and PTSD, my sex drive is/was insatiable, but I didn't know any of this in high school, so I blame my past untreated mental illness (currently well treated) for my weirdness. I feel like because of my past shames, I could never truly be loved. Like, if I told my girlfriend this, who has pronounced unconditional love to me, would probably break up with me because it's so heinous, creepy and weird (Yeah We're getting a little sentimental here). I hate that I have to live the rest of my life carrying this ugly disgusting secret. I hope I can get close enough to my gf to tell her this someday, but it would have to be a 10 years relationship minimum - just so I know she's stuck with me and probably wouldnt leave me over it at that point. I wish I had never done it.
Thanks for reading!
