SVB Charter & Bylaws:
(1) We have money because we say we have money.
(2) The value of our investments is Stable. (It’s right in our name.) You can conduct your regular daily business and invest confidently with us.
(3) We dispense money to all citizens of IMGFLIP_PRESIDENTS at regular intervals (call it a salary, stipend, annuity, welfare, whatever) on a fixed schedule, TBD. Who decides the salary/welfare rate? The government decides, of course, silly.
(4) SVB money may be spent on campaign ads, charities, to start small businesses, to promote new template design and artistic collaboration, to create prize funds, to be socked away forever and never touched, to be lit on fire to protest the system, literally anything that doesn’t violate Imgflip TOS.
(5) All deposits with the SVB are insured up to ♾️ dollars. Who insures our deposits? Why, the government, of course. We are Too Big To Fail.
(6) We operate and shut down the SVB whenever we feel like it. But don’t worry — whatever happens, your money’s safe with us. You’re only experiencing a temporary lack of service.
(7) If all this sounds too good to be true, you’re wrong. The system works because you have our guarantee. If you don’t believe in our guarantee, then feel free not to participate in the economy, but that’s your problem. The system works, and you’re missing out.
PROPOSE BILL to Congress to ratify the SVB’s Charter and Bylaws.
