Why is it so long?

But... Shenanigans...

Dr. Bright is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to Kain.
Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.
No longer allowed to challenge Able to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Able conceded a draw.
SCP-018 is not to be taunted!
Giving 113 to Diogenes is just plain pointless.
Attempting to disprove 343, to 343, is a horrible idea. Agents are still studying the resulting paperweight, supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it.
While it is true that "No one expects the SCP Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.
Dr. Bright is not king of anywhere. Or queen.
SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes.
Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no.
Not even if Dr. Palmer asks nicely.
There is no market for SCP brand pornography.
No, not even in Germany.
Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Clef's shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or glitter.
The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark.
Victims of SCP-217 are not toys.
Nor are they to be used as props at a Steampunk Convention.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls."Not even if he can get them a good deal.
Don't let Dr. Bright get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim.
Not allowed to go off my medication.
May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.
Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bright, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
If an SCP file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. Yes it is.
No, it's not, and Dr. Bright may not edit this document.
SCP-437 is not to be handed out as weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers.
[DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.
Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.
Not allowed to lead a Mobile Task Force against the UIU under any circumstances. without inviting Dr. Clef at all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any Mobile Task Force at all times.
Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".

Dr. Bright is not allowed anywhere near a Renaissance Festival.
Especially not with D-class in garb.
SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.
If a mind-controlling SCP is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance himself or others higher in the Foundation. Kondraki
Dr. Bright is NOT: A superhero of any sort, Head of Public Relations, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of Site Command, made out of bacon, in possession of a IQ over 300, Head of SCP Review, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Dr. Bright IS a member of Site Command. It's usually best not to ask why. It's O5 Command you're thinking of.)
There is no Ethics Committee.
And even if there was, does anyone believe Dr. Bright would be on it?
As anything other than a 'What not to do?'
No longer allowed to make up jodies for morning calisthenics.
Yes, this includes The Mickey Mouse Club song.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to apply SCP-963 to any major political figures. Again.
Dr. Bright is not from an alternate timeline.
Dr. Bright cannot issue orders to "preserve the timeline".
Or to "corrupt the timeline".
Or to "screw with those history nerds".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, and then give them SCP-572.
Dr. Bright is not allowed near SCP-5555-J in any way or any excuse. Remember what the miniature version did to Dr. L██████.
Dr. Clef and Dr. Bright are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.
Dr. Kondraki does not count as a responsible administrator.
Nor does Agent Strelnikov.
Or Dr. Mann.
In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.
Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
Or "Chainsaw cannons"
Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome.
SCP speed dating never happened. Any one who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnesiac.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any SCP to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality based television shows, including but not limited to Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any dating show on VH1.
Not even if Dr. Rights asks nicely.
No, it doesn't matter that they are both "consenting adults", no matter how much either of them argue otherwise.

Dr. Rights is not allowed to spank the monkey.
Nor is she allowed to shock the monkey.
Or anything else related to the monkey.
SCP-082 is not to be given song requests, especially not "Like A Virgin".
"Accidentally" spilling green gelatin on a dead body in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis spoiled the moment.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to utter the phrase "More than 1,000 babies" in the presence of any SCP personnel.
Nothing in the Foundation is rated 'Over 9000.'
Stop posting classified information on 4-chan.
No using SCP-705 for personal gain.
Or to plant monitoring equipment.
And absolutely no giving them tons of extra Play-Doh 'just to see what they can make.' That Mecha was damned annoying!
If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.
If it involves something right, you did it wrong.
If Dr. Bright has to ask, it's above his clearance level.
If it's above Bright's security clearance… run.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.
Foundation credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography.
Not even anomalous pornography.
Dr. Bright is not a "marital aid" and cannot refer to himself as such. Especially on official documents.
Dr. Bright is not the Lord of Rodly Might.
And is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of SCPs to 'simulate the real danger.'
Dr. Bright is not allowed to go to fan conventions.
Let alone use them as recruitment drives.
Especially not at Furry Conventions.
When writing a report, more detail is expected than "Object class: Keter. Special Containment Procedures: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Description: [DATA EXPUNGED]."
And inventing new security clearances just so nobody can see what you've written is also considered poor form.
Showing Monty Python episodes to SCP-239 was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.
"For the Emperor" is not an acceptable justification for any decision.
"My evil twin did it" is no longer considered a viable excuse.
Nor is "My good twin did it," considering the implications.
Yes, forum trolls are annoying. No, they don't automatically become D-class personnel.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to send e-mails with memetic hazards attached.
Not even when replying to spam.