I can't. I'd likely bring a prostitute to work and we'd go to town on that mattress. I'm talking hardcore shit that would make God regret creating the human race and contemplate nuking everyone and starting over, with a world run by orangutans who will never evolve and have no sense of free will at all. And I will laugh the entire time because it finally got rid of that Red Lobster down the street that should NEVER have been built because ducks will no longer show up at the location that parking lot was built at! And I liked seeing those ducks! They were my friends, damn it!
