i found this on pinterest

no way-

you'll finally help your mom out with the groceries

it's been tough, your dad was supposed to come back with the milk ages ago

god dammit f**k their strained relationship /srs

what

omg im sorry i forgor

i meant you would be helping me bc im your mom

nah it’s fine making jokes about it is funny

alr i’ll get the groceries 😔😔😔😔

i wasnt making jokes about it lol

yall literally have no dad you and 7 billion (and counting) siblings

i was

mother have you considered a battle royale to clear up space and whoever wins the fight gets to be the child

no i love my children

all of them? i find that hard to believe

i love you all ☺️

mother

who is your favorite

i dont have a favorite

oh

what

alright so you give me a scenario you were in and i’ll somehow try to fit me in it

what scenario are you looking for

like anything, could be a walk through the park or getting a speeding ticket, i can do this

okay

i was making LA BOILING TEA and you came up to my stand

i steal the tea

and then i say "HEY COME BACK" and you say you need it bc youre homeless and orphaned

then you adopt me correct

ofc

yes great backstory

ty

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA WE SHOULD TALK MORE THIS IS AMAZING

OMG REALLY??

YEAH

ofc ofc ofc

WOOOOO

LMAO

that is hard to believe

im sorry

are you sure

ofc

hmmm ok

mother have you considered giving us a father figure (don’t bring up the bf stealing thing or i’ll hurl insults at you)

I WONT LMAO ITS NOT A GRUDGE OR ANYTHING IT WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY BC WE WERE LITTLE KIDS FIGHTING OVER SOME RANDOM AHH GUY WHO WAS LOWKEY TOXIC

IT WAS MAD EMBARRASSING

okay heres the thing

when he said you liked him he told me "not to worry bc he wouldn't like you back he just kissed you so you would have something"

and then a week later he got with you

he didnt even officially break up with me he just said "del i think we're drifting apart" lmao

IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO SILLY NOW

this sounds like a Liam moment (i say that because my friend Liam is a goofy guy and he’s just really great so i’m gonna talk about him more now)

NO DONT BE SORRY YOU WERE DOING ME A FAVOR

remember he kept rubbing it in my face that i was flat

ITS SO SILLY LMAAOOAAOOAOA

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA I WANT TO KMS /j

NAURR

and actually i never actually liked anyone on here

its really hard to like someone you havent actually met irl

when i said i liked someone i was kinda gaslighting myself bc i knew they liked me so i wanted to make them happy
which was really really wrong of me

so no father figure

well now time for me to think of a funny backstory on how i came into your life

you were born

yes but that isn’t funny

i need a funny story and i’m good at coming up with backstories

ofc ofc

yo thanks for helping me carry my groceries

np