Alright, lets see how this goes. (You can censor the goofy words btw)

Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found

Welcome to the internet! Put your cares aside

Here's a tip for straining pasta, here's a nine-year-old who died

We got movies and doctors and fantasy sports

And a bunch of colored pencil drawings of all the different characters in Harry Potter f**king each other, welcome to the internet!

Hold on to your socks cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his caulk

They're grainy and off-putting, he just sent you more. Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you w**re.

See a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrink

Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think.

Start a rumor but a broom or send a death threat to a boomer

Or DM a girl and groom her, do a Zoom, or find a tumor in your-

Here’s a healthy breakfast option, you should kill your mom

Here's why women never f**k you, here's how you can build a bomb!

Which Power Ranger are you, take this quirky quiz

Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids!

Could I interest you in everything all of the time

A little bit of everything, all of the time

Apathy’s a tragedy and boredom is a crime

Anything and everything, all of the time

Could I interest you in everything all of the time
A bit of everything all of the time

A little bite of everything, all of the time.

We have mountains of content, some good snd some worse!

If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first

Welcome to the internet! Come and take a seat

Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?

There's no need to panic, this isn't a test

haha, just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest

welcome to the internet! what would you prefer??

Would you like to fight or civil rights or tweet a racial slur?

Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!

We've got a million different ways to engage!

RIGHT BEFORE THE TOWERS FELL, CIRCA 99

(Yes I am a jschlatt fan, how did you know)