What are the charges? I have to at least pretend to put up a defense. Otherwise, no fun

Charges are as follows:

6 counts of lying to congress
3 counts of lying
5 counts of being a leftist
1 count of drunk driving
5 counts of cringeposting
700+ counts of being woke

And the worst crime of all

1,000,000+ counts of not putting sauce in model pics.

I don't recall your honor. I guess it all happened when I was drunk driving.

Sounds based tho

Not with the number of votes you get.

Perhaps if/when this government's rule grows intolerable I'll decide to activate my own Memechat Empire. For now, don't care

Prison-to-President is a nice storyline

Hmph. Rude. Just for that, I'm going to try next time! Really!

Nah, j/k

Plus vocational training. You learn how to cook pasta with just an electric outlet, a coat hanger and a five gallon bucket!

You sound like you have experience.

Did you know drunk in public is a crime in some states? I do now...