*screams in internal emotional pain*

So my life story isn't as bad as Spire's, but I'm just gonna go deep with it a bit.

As far as my memory goes back, which was me being a innocent child at 7, life wasn't bad for me. Father wasn't abusive(yet), he had a job, wasn't abusive from alcahol Mother had 2 jobs(Her issues that I'll mention later weren't as horrible), and life was pretty good for me.

Shit started going down in.. 2020. The year before that, my family were forced to move after a neighbor complained about my father being abusive(wasn't bad at all yet), so that meant we had to put ALL of our cats to RSPCA. I had to say goodbye to my favorite cat, and I still have his colar do this day.

2020 was the WORST year for me. Let me sum it up:
Father started to become a bit abusive, his drinking problems started to rack up, he lost his job, I started loosing connection with him, I kept wanting to be around my mom more and more because of him, he started to have seizures in late December, I even saw one and lied down with him since it happened in a store(Look all though he's a f*cking asshat to me doesn't mean I can't comfort him sometimes) and I had to PICK THE LOCK OF THE BACK DOOR TO GET IN THE F*CKING HOUSE BECAUSE HE WAS ASLEEP.

2020 had some good things, such as my own laptop.
That same year my brother found out about this place. And then soon enough I made my account.
This place was new and strange to me, but I got used to it quickly. Took some convincing to get my brother to join, so he did to.

But in 2021(I moved houses again since the original owner wanted to sell the house).. I met someone. Someone I didn't know that I'd be good friends with.
I don't remember how I met them.. they "took me" and kinda showed me around the site a bit.. but that's not the point.

I met a few other people, who I took under my wing, and now we're friends to. One thing I DIDN'T expect is one of them to have a crush on me, so when they mentioned that I accepted and we've been a thing ever since. It became a threesome sometime later.
Still isn't the point.
Eventually I found this place at a point in time, and soon enough I became a regular user.
I got my first front page.. I was finally getting known.
I didn't have a goal for when I joined.. but I appricate that I've gotten this far when I didn't think it was even possible. I only thought it was in my dreams.

Continuing:

But then..
This year..
Sunday, the 22nd of June..
Everything. Changed.
My brother needed my father since he was struggling, so he had to come back to the family(unfortunitally for me) but we did manage to do some good things together, like play a game on the Playstation for 9 HOURS.
But on that day.. My father started acting more drunk than usual. Me and my brother hid in our rooms, and my father started to drink more and more. He left, but then came back, putting my mother into a panic. At one point during that day my father banged on the door, asked for my older sister and then talked to her through the front door(which he damaged.. by the way) and even yelled at her to make sure she was still there.
I think my sister let him in, but then he straight out went verbally abusing my sister. Now, my father and sister had a VERY good relationship with one another, and the whole thing RUINED the relationship. My mother called the Police.
He was taken away.
Police did mild questioning, but then they left with him.

Some good news:
My father pled guilty for abuse, and an AVIO is in place where he can't contact us 12 hours after drinking.
But.. we don't WANT him here in our house ever again.
My father has texted my sister(twice) and that has put her in a mental breakdown.

I lost both of my grandfathers in the span of 2 years.
1, last year from Brain Cancer
and the other because of my father. And no, he didn't kill him, my father just lives with my other grandfather, so that means we have NO contact with him. He also has the buggy-ass old Playstation 3 which he said he'd fix. But since of that whole situation, we decided to by a new one for 130 bucks. A month or 2 later the PS4 needs and update and we still haven't done that.. but that's not important.

I've also encountered Pedophiles in online games before.
One who could hack, and another who wanted to have 10 kids with me(I was 12 at that time)
But I never encountered them again. After the "Hacker-Pedo", I quit playing the game all together. I didn't want to deal with that shit ever agian.

So yeah, that's my life SO far for you

I'm also getting Art Therapy 👍

Dude I'm so sorry

Not your fault
My father's a horrible f**k
My mother can't even walk without a walking stick, and she needs a hip replacement and she can't get that until she's 50. Her back is also unfixable, and she has atheritos.
So there's not really much I can do at my age..

*hugs you*

I'm proud of you for making it this far
I believe in you
And
I wish the very best for you and your mother

Sometimes I wonder if I should end my life early.
I've attempted self harm, but none of the knives cut my skin, so that put an end to them both.
I haven't tried attempting either of the 2 in months, which is a new record.

But thanks..

It is never worth it to end your life early
You know, I actually died once
Well, I got revived but still

But in the time I wasn't alive, I was in a black space. A void in time in space, where all I could do was think and feel.

so there's no..
..
huh...

There is.

The reason I was in the void was it wasn't my time to die yet. For good, anyway.

..