A well-designed, controlled experiment to test the claims of climate scientists is something everyone can get behind.

Q: What if the Global Warming theory is right?

A: We will naturally be saddened if our experiment validates the worst fears of global warming proponents, as it will have meant that we inadvertently contributed to the greenhouse gas problem ourselves and accelerated the Armageddon clock by several ticks. However, our sadness will be balanced out by the knowledge we will have gained, and by our success at having resolved this debate conclusively. If global warming really is a problem, then our experiment will have simply armed ourselves with irrefutable evidence to act upon that information. And if it's not a problem, then no harm, no foul.

Further, even if the global warming theory is correct, there are any number of other calamities that could befall the human race and spell our demise as a species. Nuclear war. A mega-pandemic. An asteroid or comet impact. The Christian rapture. Another religion’s predicted end-times. Something else we’re not even capable of foreseeing. In light of all these possible threats, how can we fairly conclude global warming is the most serious one? Or even in the top five?

Ultimately, we remain optimists. We believe humans are capable of solving any problem that is capable of being solved, and the outcome of our experiment won’t threaten that idea at all.

Q: What about the health risks of smoke inhalation?

A: Incidental air pollution from the burning of 1 billion acres of forest is a valid concern. Fortunately, most people around the world already acquired personal face masks as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, which will go a long way toward mitigating any personal adverse health outcomes. Those in affected areas who do not have a face mask may apply to receive one free of charge.

Q: Is there a risk to endangered species?

A: Of course burning 1 billion acres poses certain unavoidable risks to local wildlife. However, to fairly answer this question, we must also ask: what risks are we posing to local wildlife by *not* acting?

Let’s not forget that according to global warming theorists, endangered species are already threatened and disappearing as a result of climate change. Our experiment might accelerate that process, or it might not — the only way to find out is to test.

As part of our experiment, we will send teams of ecologists to the acres of forest scheduled to be burned, to comprehensively document and photograph all species found there. Since there are still undiscovered species in the world today, we fully expect this effort will mark a dramatic leap forward for science. And to the extent there is any species loss as a result of the experiment, records of the same will be preserved for posterity to be studied in biology textbooks.

Q: What is the purpose of the experiment?

A: Both sides of the climate change debate make valid points. But the debate suffers from a profound intellectual problem, which is the lack of any large-scale, controlled experiment designed to test the claims of either side. With the existential stakes of the debate, nothing could be more important.

To simplify, global warming theorists claim that the release of CO2 and other greenhouse gases adds to the “heat blanket” effect of the Earth’s atmosphere. Normally a good thing — since it keeps the Earth insulated from the frozen hellscape of outer space — an excessive heat blanket would produce profound changes to the climate and even impact livability.

The way to test this proposition would be to release, in a controlled way, a massive quantity of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, and then observe its effects (if any) over the next several years. That’s exactly what we intend to do. And in so doing, we aim to resolve this interminable debate with conclusive proof — for or against.

Q: How large is 1 billion acres?

A: For scale, the continental U.S. is 1.9 billion acres. That may sound big, but most people don’t realize just how much of the earth’s land is wilderness.

So, we are choosing an out-of-the-way location with a lot of trees — the Amazon Rainforest, the Congo Basin, Indonesia — for the ignition of controlled fire(s) to clear out exactly 1 billion acres.

Of course, to minimize local damage, we are more than willing to divide the affected land among multiple geographic areas. Since the theory of global warming is “global,” after all, one acre of forest in Indonesia is equivalent of one acre of forest in Brazil for purposes of this experiment. We will thereby spread the misery — and the benefit — in an equitable fashion.

Q: What will be done with displaced persons?

A: We are of course sensitive to the issue of persons who may be impacted by the experiment. We have already thought of this, which is why we are choosing out-of-the-way locations (see prior answer). Regarding any remaining persons located within affected land, every effort will be made to find them, transport them to safety, and to provide them with relocation stipends and housing vouchers.