It's so difficult to let go of someone you've known for a long time, for whatever reason there is. This is personally one of the worse ones, because they're still around, and who knows what they're doing now.
There are rarely any choices that have no bad affects afterward. This sadly isn't one of those, because I can see that you're very affected by it.
I'm not sure how else to comfort you aside from wanting to be with you more often. Although it made sense at the moment, it'll hurt. I know it hurts, but I can't understand how much it really does.
Maybe things will change eventually, but that's why we rather let time pass and have it do its own thing.
Please, don't do anything to yourself about this, because you should know by now that if you hurt yourself, I'll do the same to prove something.