When your diet is hard to explain

i eat a sandwich for breakfast but only if its raining and if its snowing i eat chips unless friends are over cuz they mooch me so instead i eat eggs and at lunch if its 11 i have salad but il use apple vinigar if theres no balsamic but if its 1 ill have chocolate and at dinner ill have 3 different things that always inclube pork and if im sad i just eat chocolate and i always have milk before bed but if i dont have any i just have water