PUNY HUMANS AND YOUR FEEBLE TOILET PAPER! YOU DISGUST ME! SO SHARP! SO CLEAN! BUY 2 AND SAVE! BUY KLINGON RECTUM KNIVES TO SCRAPE YOUR INFERIOR ANAL DISCHARGES! PLUS 12 LUCKY BUYERS WILL BE SELECTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SPHINCTER BLOOD RITUALS OF PLANET VAGUS-12!