Would anyone actually be surprised?

A new variant has been recently discovered called NIHIL. Symptoms include 2 hours of minor sniffles, an annoying twitch in your eye, and a 10% increase in follicle growth on top of your left foot. Out of an abundance of caution, President Biden, the WHO, the CDC, Lord Fauci, Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZeneca, Google, Facebook, and Twitter all recommend a FULL lockdown lasting until after the mid-term elections so "we can develop a new booster."