1: One of your ears is bigger than the other
2: What the hell happened to those hands? You look like you got in a car accident after drinking too much.
3: And let's not talk about the face
4: Also, one of your parents was a monkey who did drugs, judging by your looks. And the other parent was just so ugly I can't describe
5: What's with that stupid grin? You look like you're taking drugs