Give me the best ones you’ve got

First of all, you're lying. You fap every go***mn day, any month of the year.
And the thing is, the memes are stupid. How the f**k did this bullshit even start? It's just WEIRD. Every go***mn year now, I get a little taste of how asexual people must feel, hearing about sex all the time.
I mean, I'm a randy, horny bastard, but there is just a f**king limit to how many times I can hear about fapping. Or, rather, not fapping.
Be an adult, please. Don't participate in this no-fap shit. Or, at the very least, don't f**king talk about it. You're boring everyone else. Think about it rationally for a second: can you really expect anyone to TRULY be interested in hearing about how you're not jerking your meat?

I give that an eight out of 10

Shut yo lean mean string bean charlie sheen limousine canteen trampoline serpentine antihistamine wolverine submarine unclean nectarine broken gene halloween defective spleen smokescreen james dean putting green tiny peen anti vaccine aquamarine eugene extra green nicotine vaseline jellybean magazine protein lightning-mcqueen vending machine what'chu mean Ocean Man by Ween Mr. Clean Listerine Walgreen headass up

Eight out of 10

I've come to make an announcement; Shadow The Hedgehog's a bitch ass motherf**ker, he pissed on my f**king wife. Thats right, he took his hedgehog quilly dick out and he pissed on my f**king wife, and he said his dick was "This big" and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com, Shadow the Hedgehog, you've got a small dick, it's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller, and guess what? Here's what my dong looks like: PFFFT, THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. ALL POINTS, NO QUILLS, NO PILLOWS. Look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He f**ked my wife so guess what? I'm gonna f**k the Earth. THAT'S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE F**KING EARTH NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO.

Seven out of 10