Yeah. I don't write music, but coming from both a playing and listening perspective, be careful playing around with your rhythm. Sometimes lyrics just aren't going to work due to timing, rhythm and meter. Songs aren't expected to adhere to the rules of poetry, but they're pretty similar. Ensure that you work your song into a state where the lyrics flow naturally with the rhythm. Some individuals are more rhythmically gifted, meaning they are just naturals at making it work. Syncopation and subdivision are pretty powerful tools in those regards.
Also, what I can deduce is this song is going to be some variety of rock? In that case, try listening to rock music (preferably not hard rock, unless that's what you're shooting for) from the 70s through the 90s (90s rock is probably best for this piece). Music from that era is well known for rhythm and bass rather than melody (and melody can easily be worked around rhythm and lyrics), and has many takeaways for those who are willing to listen. I have an obscenely long playlist (#notspon) with those pieces called Old Ones. Just pick and choose some that interest you, and listen up. Can't hurt!
