Christianity and Sectarianism

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"; HE SAID, "YES." I SAID, "ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN OR A JEW?" HE SAID, "A CHRISTIAN." I SAID, "ME, TOO! PROTESTANT OR CATHOLIC?" HE SAID, "PROTESTANT." I SAID, "ME, TOO! WHAT FRANCHISE?" HE SAID, "BAPTIST." I SAID, "ME, TOO!NORTHERN BAPTIST OR SOUTHERN BAPTIST?" HE SAID, "NORTHERN BAPTIST." I SAID, "ME, TOO! NORTHERN CONSERVATIVE BAPTIST OR NORTHERN LIBERAL BAPTIST?"; He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"; NORTHERN CONSERVATIVE †BAPTIST GREAT LAKES REGION COUNCIL OF 1879, OR NORTHERN CONSERVATIVE BAPTIST GREAT LAKES REGION COUNCIL OF 1912?" HE SAID, "NORTHERN CONSERVATIVE BAPTIST GREAT LAKES REGION COUNCIL OF 1912." I SAID, "DIE, HERETIC!" AND I PUSHED HIM OVER.