MURDER TIPS:
Tips
1. Extreme heat speeds up the rate of decomposition and extreme cold slows it down. So, commit your murders in the summer.
2. Don’t kill anyone you’re involved with romantically. You’ll be the one of the first people the cops will suspect.
3. Don’t bring your phone. I know it sounds basic, but a lot of people still get caught from this. Don’t bring your phone when you’re doing anything involving with the murder. If you HAVE to bring a phone, use a pay-as-you-go. Buy it at a busy store, and pay for it with cash.
4. Buy all things related to your murder with cash. Duct tape, plastic bags, rope – all this shit will get you caught. Throw the receipts away immediately, in a public trash can in front of the store. And you probably shouldn’t purchase one item at the same time as another item.
5. If the process of your murder involves a struggle with the victim, make sure to clean their fingernails afterward, or simply cut their hands off. They might have tiny pieces of your skin underneath (their fingernails) from when they tried to fight for their life…
6. Dump the body in a separate place than the murder scene. This way, the police will have to survey two spots before they can put the pieces together.
7. Cut off your victim’s head and hands, maybe feet as well. Place these parts in a different area than the rest of the body. (or burn the whole damn thing)
8. If you’re throwing a body (or parts of the body) into a lake, don’t put it in plastic bags. Plastic bags get filled with the gas that is emitted when a body decays, and then the bags will float. Plastic bags will also prevent water from getting to the body, which you don’t want. Water speeds up the rate of decomposition and also washes away trace evidence.
9. If you must use plastic bags, use one from a major chain grocery store, and not the little corner shop with the weird bag.
10. Arson (act of purposely setting fire to property) is useful for eliminating evidence. Your fire might not get as far as you want it to, and the police will almost always recognize that it wasn’t of an accidental nature, but it will make it difficult for the crime scene to remain untainted. Keep in mind: Set fire to clothes and curtains because they burn more quickly than furniture.
11. It takes a lot longer to burn up a car than you’d think, so just drive it into a lake instead.
12. If you’re trying to stage a botched burglary, remember to actually take the valuables, and don’t leave
