When I was 7, I moved into a private school. My family wanted so much for me to succeed in life, so they put me in one of the best schools in the city. I was a weird little girl back then, obsessed with My Little Pony, always spending time in libraries, always daydreaming. I always acted before thinking, never thinking about what others would think or say. Because of that, I always got in trouble with my classmates. They thought of me as weird and teased me at school everyday. They did a lot of things to embarrass me, even accusing me of vandalism. I wanted to tell someone but I was scared of what they would do to me.
After three years in that school, my parents moved me to another school. I met a lot of people and even made a few friends, but there was only one who bullied me, but I befriended him. But the things they called me before never left me, it stuck with me. Now every time I make a mistake, I would hear the voices, I would remember those words, the insults crashing down on me like a wave, and I would drown in the feeling of hopelessness.
One day, my mom found my diary, one of the diary entries she read were about me planning to commit su*cide. My mom didn't even try to comfort me, she even got mad at me, telling me that compared to others, my problems were the size of an ant. "Why do you want to kill yourself? There are many people less luckier than you and they don't commit su*cide!" she said, which was true, but knowing that won't make me happy. It won't solve any of my problems. I know that others are suffering more than me but I am also suffering. It still hurts. After that, I decided to keep all of my problems to myself, I swore to never ever tell anyone because they wouldn't understand.
But as Himiko Toga once said "When you shut your feeling away, it only grows inside!", and so it did. Everyday, my mind becomes darker and darker, it became harder for me to see the bright side of things, which before was so easy for me. Every night, it becomes harder for me to stop myself from crying, sometimes I even cut myself on the shoulder. The only things keeping me alive right now are My Hero Academia and Imgflip.
I always tell myself that nothing is permanent and soon this dark feeling will go away, but the light goes further and further away every day. I began thinking that I'm hopeless and there's nothing for me here except failure. The only happy ending I see for me is me jumping off the rooftop.
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