the legs on the bus go step step step

(Not directed towards you)
Well, maybe that was my fault, but I suppose you could've helped me. I know I had it coming. All of it. Except maybe, I dunno, being ignored? Treated like I literally don't exist? Called a monster and having you run away from me with your friends? (And damn, you were FAST.)
Fifth grade. This was fifth grade. You never even apologized. Were you even sorry? I'm surprised I didn't hurt myself or cry about it more, cause I thought if I kept trying I could get some attention, some LOVE. Maybe it's cause I didn't know that it was an option to scratch yourself up with your own fingernails back then. Anyways, it's not like I had other friends.
And now, where am I? I feel alone. I almost constantly need a response to every text, every word. I feel ignored so, so often. Maybe this was because of you, I don't know. But don't do that to anyone, ever again. It could be worse this time. You could cause someone to go down a way worse path than just feeling lonely. So, think about what you do. Grow up.

let me know if there's anything I can do to help, I know it f**king hurts so much

I’m currently getting over that and it was a few years ago, but I’m beginning to suspect that it’s still having effects on me now, like that I now need people to talk to me in order to feel validated.

Same ;-;

if you want me to help i'll do my best

Not directed towards you!
To the Reason I Can’t Take a Joke: (trigger warning for just overall dark topics and threats)
You threatened to literally murder my friend. Had nightmares about this... the supposed snake venom and drone and I tried to help. I can still hear your voice. Why didn’t I say anything? I should’ve said something. I’m glad we havent spoken in a year, and that my friend is safe. You were just overall toxic and horrible to me. I can’t believe I thought it was okay because “you were nice sometimes.” I can still remember the time mom called you a sweet kid. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

(None of this is directed at you) Ive wondered why I enjoy you miserable at school. One of the main reasons is you impersonate a great artist for popularity. I realized you were toxic when you told me to not hang out with Marina. I don't give a f**k that your uncle wrote a bestselling book, its a good book tho props to him. Please stop doing this to others, bye.

I love this thing I feel like you all have stuff I have at some point gone through before the whole thing above that I talked about. I am going to follow yall.

love the template

(Not directed at you) listen you but head I had to watch my grandma die then 3 months latter my grandfather drowned in the Allegheny River we got a call my mom had a breakdown and I was freaking out, then to make us all calm down my parents took us to a museum and it was awesome, but I knew that my grandfather at that moment was at the bottom of a freaking river, I was forced to have fun. My grandma watched as he went down under and could not do anything at all. Same with me and my other grandma. I had to watch not really sure what was going on, but knew I couldn't do anything. So don't say you know what I have gone through! Because you don't! (Again not directed to you)

(none of this rant is directed at you) Hello, there mom. Thank you for taking care of me, and for "loving" me endlessly. I really appreciated you being there for me. Thanks for telling me I wasn't mature enough to tell what y own feelings are, thanks for actually making me believe it too. Thanks for constantly reminding me not to embarrass myself, then when I ask, say that you have full confidence in me. Thanks for not being there when I wanted to kill myself. Thanks for when I told you that all I wanted was for your approval, and you to be proud, then shooting me down and saying that's a stupid thing to want. Thanks for not giving me a phone until everyone else in my grade had one telling me that before I was too young to get one, then proceeding to give my younger sister a phone two years before me. Thanks for all of those tireless nights that I look forward to just to get a break from you guys, knowing that if I got caught it would be the end of me, but being so tired of your bullshit not to care. Thanks, "mom", for loving me, and being there. If we are being honest here, the only things that keep me alive are these memes, anime, and my best friend. I know you have done a lot for me, and this is selfish, but I don't feel loved. So I'm going to do the thing you think that I do best, and blame it on you, mom

I feel you there
I also have a terrible relationship with my mom

I don't hate her, I love her a lot, she just makes me feel like she doesn't love me sometimes.

(NOT DIRECTED AT YOU, like seriously - you're a cool dude for doing this,, this is for like,, a bunch of different people in my school life so it's generally them)

TW: Much heavy suicide, much very not so friendly topics, etc, just angst bullshit i've bottled up

I'm very sorry I was just a horrible person who couldn't ever make you happy. When my family is near to death from sickness, I'm living a life full of pure hell. Everyday you call me a psychopath because I never wanted to give a shit about anyone. Me, who did nothing, almost died because you pushed me off from the sidewalk. I wondered if you cared if I were to die. Everday, you'd threaten to kill yourself with knives, meds, rope, anything you can find- if I were not to do what you asked. All of my dearest friends, soon taken away from me just because of your jealously. Me, who was so pitiful to not know how to take care of a suicide ridden adolescent who wants my body. I'm not the best at anything, and I know that.. but I wanted to be better. I tried. You never saw that, did you?

I can't f**king get angry at you anymore because I'm clearly just done with life. Apparently to your eyes, I'm a future murderer, a monster, a beast with no heart- just because I couldn't help out your life. I'm no doctor, so why drag me to the pits of Hell with you? Why? There's a difference between venting and threatening. 8 of my friends, all scared as hell because you threatened to kill yourself so many f**king times. Even at one point, you threatened to harm me with a knife. A f**king knife. And all because I couldn't leave any of my former friends behind. I didn't want to backstab anyone, but because of you- I live a life full of trauma for more than 3 years. 3 years of absolute silence. Quiet. As if you sewn on my lips shut with needles and pins.

F**k you. Seriously. I can't take this shit anymore. I can't take acting arrogant and sociopathic and fake who I am because you hated my happy personality. I don't know what you want from me.. but if murder was not frowned upon, I'd cause a scene. F**k you. And somehow I can't even get you out of my head. I can't get over it, because you broke me first.

Well, if it's bottled up it normally doesn't help. I really hope that this made you feel better.

Thanks, dude.

(Not towards you!!♡♡♡)

So..let me get this straight. I saw i like you. You say you like me back. Happily ever after? NO. I said i liked you again, I asked you out on a f**king date. Avery had to explain to you that I asked you out on a date. I try to be romantic. I tried, I'm so F**KING SORRY THAT IM NOT PERFECT. THAT I SUCK, THAT I WANT TO KILL MYSELF . Kat, you don't understand. You really don't. Why is my whole world collapsing because of YOU. Your an asshole, and I can't do anything about that. If you didn't like me in the first place, just say so. I have a lot of f**king problems and home rn that I can't deal with. I wish I could. But you know what? I don't need you. HE will love me and care for me. If you don't like me, go F**K yourself. I'm not even sure why I liked you in the first place...Grady warned me about this. But I didn't listen, because I'm soo caught up in MYSELF. GOD!! IM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY THAT IM A PIECE OF SHIT. HAVE A "GOOD" F**KING LIFE. BYE

tysm, I feel better now :3

(NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS YOUUU. you're super cool for doing this♡♡♡ik i did it before but i really need it more than ever rn...)

*clears throat* lemme say...what the actual f**k-
like- just leave me and jake alone for like two seconds. ik i was rude to you before, and i really do apologize, but i mean that was once. NOW YOU'RE F**KING RUINING ME AND JAKES LIFE SO TYSM. HE WANTS TO RUN AWAY BECAUSE OF YOU. JUST MIND YOUR OWN F**KING BUSINESS. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR GO***AMN OPINION. I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS YOU HATE ME IS BECAUSE IM NON BINARY. WELL IM SORRY IF IM LIKE THIS, I CANT HELP IT. BUT YOU CAN HELP BEING A F**KING BITCH. HE TRIED TO TALK TO YOU BUT YOU IGNORED HIM, AND YOU F**KING YELLED AT ME. YOU'RE SO IMMATURE. GET A F**KING LIFE. I HATE YOU SO F**KING MUCH. YOU'RE A BITCH AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ONE. I HOPE YOU
ROT
IN
HELL
GOODBYE BITCHHHHHHHHHHHH
-clover😚

[not directed towards you :)]

YOU MANIPULATIVE BOSSY F**K. I KNOW YOU HATE ME AND DON'T YOU DARE ACT LIKE I SHOULD BE NICE TO YOU BECAUSE WE KNEW EACH OTHER SINCE KINDERGARTEN. EVERY TIME YOU SAID I COULDN'T PLAY WITH THE REST OF OUR FRIENDS BECAUSE I SAID SOME MILD INSULT I SHOULD HAVE KNEW WAS A RED FLAG. WHERE WERE YOU IN FIFTH GRADE, THE HARDEST YEAR OF MY LIFE? YOU KNEW THOSE GIRLS WERE BULLYING ME AND YOU KNEW MY PARENTS WERE DIVORCING AND WHERE WERE YOU? HANGING OUT WITH YOUR NEW GROUP OF FRIENDS THAT HATED ME JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THAT F**KING SCHOOL. NO ONE LIKES YOU ETHAN, YOU'RE A FAT SPOILED ASSHOLE WHO THINKS HE'S SATAN BUT WOULDN'T TOUCH A PENTAGRAM IF I PAID YOU. GO SWALLOW A CHEESE GRATER YOU IRRADIATED WALRUS

Well, here goes.

!Trigger warning!

you know, it's no wonder i stay in my room all day and don't seem to like you. you have done nothing to make me love you! you think I enjoy the memories you have given me? Especially since they are so much like what she has done. I don't like being yelled at, I don't like being slammed against the wall, kicked, punched, etc. You think I haven't had enough of that? When I go anywhere with you, it's just so uncomfortably quiet, because you feel like a stranger! So how can you even sit here and cry and say "How could you not love me? I do everything for you!" TELLING ME I AM A LOST CAUSE, TELLING ME I AM NOT AUTISTIC I AM JUST RETARDED, TELLING ME EVERYONE SHOULD GIVE UP ON ME, TELLING ME I AM A WASTE, THAT IS NOT LOVE! JUST BECAUSE YOU COOK MY MEALS AND SIGN MY SCHOOL FORMS DOES NOT MEAN YOU LOVE ME!

And that's that.

*awkward silence*

none of the following is directed toward you:

Look. i hate you. i need you to go to hell... stop being a homophobic bastard. go f**k my sisters mom. god dammit. exist for once. like... dont be gone all day. stop smoking.... dont do that... f**k you....

if i put all of it i would get banned