I’ve been there. At least two suicidal spells, from 6-7 and 9-10. Thankfully, it’s been years since I’ve had them, due to the Zoloft my mental health services gave me. My advice: if you’re in school, go to your school counselor and talk to him/her about it. Ask him/her to keep it confidential. If not, go to a counselor yourself, if you can afford it.