Okay, so here's the scenario. I'm in my house and I live near a bank. So get this. Every 11.5 hours, on the dot, a bank employee carries large bushels of cash money skrilla outside to a waiting truck. This truck is big and it looks thicker than a normal truck, but this is no matter. What I need to get my cat to do is create the master of all diversions by running up to the bank employee person and urinating on their leg, then climbing up them with claws fully out like Wolverine and then scratch up the banker's eyesockets. This will cause the thick truck occupant to run out and shoo away the cat, followed by administering of first aid to the injured and distraught banker. This in turn allows me to run out of my house, flip over the street, and secure the banknotes that were dropped during the greatest diversion of the 21st century. Do you now understand my plight? Clearly, hitting one's cat is justified under such circumstances, but I'm still willing to entertain alternative methods of making my cat follow my orders.
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