Although like you, I consider suicide all the time (I keep a knife in my bathroom just in case I want to do it, no joke), but I try not to let it get to me. You need to consider the fact that if you commit suicide, then it will have an effect on others, such as family, or even the people here on imgflip. I'm no expert, but I want you to know that people care about you, in ways that you don't know, and that suicide shouldn't be an option in your life and if you need help, talk to a professional, seek help, I know you will find it.