Thinking boy

if I were born male instead of female, I would've probably gotten a lot more privileges in society, but I would've also faced a LOT more mad scrutiny for every little thing I did in the public so that they could use me for advancing the stereotype of "straight white cis man bad"

Born a girl would mean my life would be much harder. As a white male I get the benefit of the doubt far more than a woman would. I have watched it first hand at work. We have a whole bunch of the old boys network types around and several clearly capable women have been ignored because of it.

(Bonus round: I have used that fact to advance my career. Not proud of it, but sometimes morals take a backseat.)

What is your line of work? If it's lumberjacking then clearly men should be given priority. Lol

I’m a quality tech specializing in Thermal Polyurethane.

I think it depends on the occupation. When I was teaching in some schools I saw men really disrespected by some women, one school had only 1 male teacher who was always the brunt of jokes (calling him the school pedo at a staff meeting, yea, I don't knew what impelled him to stay at that awful place)

Yes it can fly both ways. I dealt with kinda the same at a restaurant I worked at. The women there always making jokes about how I got paid more because I was a man. But I got paid more because unlike their lazy asses I took on as many additional duties as I could and God forbid if it snowed! They weren’t going to left a finger to help me clear the sidewalks, but bitched if I took too long.

How did I stay? I was a favorite of the owners and it came with a lot of perks. But once they retired I did move on.

Yeah, it happens quite often that males working with children (particularly below 10 years old) are often distrusted as potential pedophiles, which is indeed just as sexist as not taking a woman seriously who applies for a job as car engineer, just because she's a woman. First of all not all males are pedophiles and second not all pedophiles are male.

It also differs a lot per country. Equal rights for men and women are on a lot of places still an issue. And a lot already have things better than 40 or 50 years ago (it ain't that long before it all began, you know), and we still have a long way to go... Can't expect thousands of years in which women were treated inferior to be changed in such a short time... Now I am a man, but I've never understood why we did that in the first place... Am I dumb now?

All I know is that my name is now Jeroen (a typical boy's name in the Netherlands) and that my name would have been Natasha if I were a girl in stead of a boy. And I am quite confident I am a man, but I have wondered what my life would have been if I were a girl in stead.

I am female, so if I were born male, I would be fricken BLESSED! I wouldn't have to worry about periods! (I know, I said it. I'm gross. Shut up about it.) Although, I would have to deal with the boys locker room 🤢

Hmm... six in one hand, half dozen in the other...

Nothing gross about what is only a natural thing for a woman. I will admit though, as a guy I am glad I don't have to deal with it, but at the same time, in the times I had a girl-friend/wife I somehow had to deal with that stuff too, and nobody ever gave me odd looks when I as a guy bought sanitary napkins....

The boy's locker room... yeah, there are things which is hard to get used to.... I always wondered if the girl's locker rooms were better, though...

Exactly! It's not gross-- it's natural! All it is is proof we're not pregnant. The cramps suck. Constantly going to the bathroom sucks. Leaking sucks. It all sucks. Most guys that I know just don't want anything to do with it.

In the girl's locker room, we honestly just gossip, and this one time we had a dance party.

Well, it's not that I enjoy seeing it, but like I said, it's just a natural phenomenon a woman has to deal with and as a heterosexual guy, I don't want to run away from such things with my girl-friend/wife. And frankly if I had a girl-friend who is a great pain during her periods (as all women experience this differently), I'd rather know about it, so I can take it into account. I hope I'm not unique in that perspective... 😲

I wish the guys I know are like that. Nobody is all too interested about it, but it's nice to have someone at least care about our wellbeing

Well, not all guys are uncaring on this department. Hey, if I ever get a daughter I may have to deal with her periods too... If for any reason her mother can't help her with that (there are single fathers with a daughter after all) I'll also have to explain to her how it all works... And a wise quite from Merilyn Monroe states "A girl should always remember that she doesn't need a man who doesn't need her"... If a guy really needs you, he should care about your well-being and as such also about how your life is during periods... And if a guy really loves you, he'll need you too... remember that ;)

I honestly don't know, but I'm sure it wouldn't be the same if I were born male. That is a very good question, though, I wish I could think of this further, but it is hard to imagine, for if I were born male, would that mean I would have different parents? Would I be where I am today? And so on.

I have not really taken this to the scope to different parents to be honest. One of the reasons I wonder about this is first of all, I wonder if my life would have been different. I am also a fantasy novel author and I prefer to write "POV" (Point-of-view) and every chapter is written out of the point of view of one of the characters, and that includes of course the female characters, so that makes me wonder all the time how a woman would look into that kind of situation, and thus I am a bit forced sometimes to "think like a woman would"... I did often say that if I die and re-incarnation exists (I really don't know if it exists, but let's assume it for now), I'd like to come back as a human female so I can see the world from "the other side"...

Wait, you're an author?! That's awesome! I really want to be an author and I have already wrote about 20 books (none have been published, I just wrote them and keep them, hoping to publish one day!). My books are usually fiction and romance with either a mix of horror and action.

Yeah, I am an author, although I publish in Dutch, because that's my native language, and I recommend every author to only write in their native language (at least for fiction yes. For non-fiction or science books or stuff like that, it matters less I think). No matter how well you understand my English, I can never speak it as a native speaker would do. I did publish, but I did never really get famous (I'm still trying though). I hope to find a good English translator so my work can be converted into the English a native speaking would use. I never counted how much I wrote. And I mix fantasy, with drama, a bit of humor a bit of my own personal traumas and even a bit of (subtle) critics on politics sometimes. One of my works "De Wraak van Yuleria" (Yuleria's revenge) is about a immortal female Elf called Yuleria who has autism, and a war trauma. Forty thousand years after a war she survived and fled from, she comes back home and wants revenge, but you can guess the war is over and the former enemy is now and ally, but Yuleria still lives in the past, and is the best magician in the world... Pretty dangerous combination, ain't it?

I am not really into horror but still the combination of your books does sound interesting....

Thank you very much and good luck in your career! Your book sounds really interesting! My character's names are usually words in a different language or I just shut my eyes and type something random, and if I like what I type, I use that name. I don't know any translating apps or websites, sorry. I really like my one character, and I would give information on them, but I don't talk about my original characters online because I wouldn't want them to get stolen and used by someone else.

Most of mine are registered (Yuleria and her 'counter-character' in the story among them), so if they get stolen I got an official document with which I can prove to be the "owner" of the character. And thank you for the encouragement. ;)

Yup, you're welcome! ;) I don't have a document to protect my characters, so that's another reason for me to not talk about them, sorry.

Understandable... In order to get my work registered, I've been doing a lot of phone calls before I got to the right organisation to get it done. And the one where I could get it done, was not what I expected... The Dutch Tax service... Not the first place to look, eh?

Tax service?! Yes, very strange... very strange indeed. Is it actually a tax company or is that just the name?

No it was really the same service that also makes sure all (countrywide) taxes in the Netherlands are being collected and who has to make sure that those who try to (illegally) avoid that are being caught. So that was why I was really amazed when they sent me there, and even more when those working at the tax service confirmed I could register my work there.
It's not much, just an official stamp of a date, plus a sticker officially confirming that the work was offered by me and the date when (anyone stealing my work would therefore have a later date, and thus be identified as a "thief"), so I have official proof I was the one who wrote it (and thus the copyright holder. You attain copyrights by simply writing stuff and it expires several decades after you die. 70 years in Europe and 90 in the U.S.A.)

Cool, too bad it ever expires though, you work should forever remain your work since you're the original creator, don't you think?

Copyright was only invented to make sure others cannot make you miss money out of your work without your permission due to illegal copying, plagiarism etc. When you are dead, that won't matter any more. I think the decades are there to prevent murder over the case or something stinky like that, as 70/90 years, that's a long wait, eh? Also when your work is still known after you've been dead for 70 years, people will acredit you anyway. I mean nobody will deny that "Eine Kleine Nachmusik" was written by Mozart, nor that the Mathäus Passion was written by Bach. Both works are no longer copyrighted as both composers are dead for over 70/90 years.

Narnia is a fantasy that is now public domain, due to that, but everybody still credits C.S. Lewis for writing the original story. When I say I wrote Narnia, who the hell is gonna believe me? And sometimes the expiring of copyrights allows modern versions. The original story of Reynard the fox is written in Diets... The predecessor of the Dutch language. Nobody but a handful of historians understand it. Paul Biegel rewrote the story in modern Dutch so readers today can still understand it, but he didn't take credit for the original story, only for his modern version. (although nobody knows who wrote the original story, as it was a subtle critic to king and Vatican, so you understand back then the writer was risking his life by writing the story. He also chose animals in stead of humans to play it safe).

True, you do have a point.

I think I would've still been just as socially awkward.

Same here

Wouldn't we all?

At least I wouldn't get hurt as much from a kick in the balls

Now a woman did reveal to me that a kick in her genitals would still be very extremely painful, but she did admit that it's probably not half as painful as it is for men....

Well, my parents actually wanted a boy (and they were expecting one too...) so if I was actually born a boy, I could've made them happier with me.

I also do a lot of manual labor on a day to day basis, so if I was a guy, I would probably be able to do it slightly better, since I would be able to form more of a build.

I also have lots a emotional trauma back when I was a little kid, so I know that at LEAST 10% wouldve been cut out if was born a boy. The other 80% is circumstantial, I dont know if what happened still wouldve happened even if I was a boy.

So I think I wouldve been saved a lot of time, energy and money if I were born a boy.

I've got another translation for you. This is from a different novel. The intro you read told you about a war, Yuleria wants revenge over. The novel this chapter is from tells you how that war began, and the girl who plays a very important part in the lore of my novels, because of her relation with that war, is introduced in this chapter.

https://gamejolt.com/@Tricky/post/a-quick-translation-of-a-chapter-i-wrote-for-my-novel-irreversible-j7vzpj8n

This chapter is only meant to make the reader know what kind of girl she is. Many novels of mine make mention of her. I hope you'll enjoy this read.

Ah, thank you! Really, I love this a lot!

I'm shocked to read that. Although I suffer from PTSD myself,and I often call myself Faramir and my younger sister Boromir, so perhaps that tells you something about my past (I don't think my gender plays a role here, although you can never be 100% sure). So I think I've a bit of a feeling how you must feel. Is your username "Borderline_Psychotic" true to your actual psychiatric diagnosis? I am an Aspie myself, and I've met a lot of people with the Borderline syndrome, so it could answer a few questions for me for which I do not have the right words to ask.

I've met a woman before who was kind of neglected by her old man, because, due to him being a bit old-fashioned, thinking men are important and women are not (I am a guy myself, but I never understood why women should be inferior to men), and yeah, I can say I've seen the scars it left her very clearly. Especially since her younger brother, as a boy could get anything he wanted. Having a kind of Faramir-relation myself, even though not based on gender, I can understand the pain.... A little.

Ah...Im sorry you have to suffer from PTSD....its a messed up thing to have. And, hey, you got it. I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last summer...I try to keep it under wraps, though, and be nice to everyone I can....and, go ahead and ask, Im not really offended by anything, so unless youre trying to be rude, I dont mind....go ahead and ask.

Ah, my questions were answered, a bit... I have seen Borderline pretty close. My ex-girlfriend has Borderline. But what I wonder is, I taste a bit of bad relationship with your parents. Something I am not unfamiliar with. I know my parents never understood the world from my point of view (and I even wonder if they even tried to). Do you have the feeling your parents never understood the world from your point of view. I know that borderline can something lead to behavior that people who do not know it well can find rather awkward... (as is the case with many disorders, I can tell you).

Ah, okai...and, well, the relationship with my parents could be better, I guess...they dont really like me anymore cuz Im crazy...I dont think they understand it, becuase both of them dont really understand depression....my mom always says, 'Just open up a window and let the sun in!' and my dad always says, "We're all depressed, youre not special..." I live on my own for the most part, so I dont have to see them often....

And...I hear youre a writer? That sounds cool....I try to write sometimes too...

Geez... Sounds oddly familiar. For me it even came to a point I decided to break up with them. And it's correct, I am a writer. I write fantasy novels, and for me that is a bit of therapy, as some of the characters I write about share some of my misery. And yeah, my mom made me allergic to the sentence "Dat is natuurlijk onzin" (Means: Of course that is nonsense), and my old man... I don't even wanna talk about that, the things he said to me are hard to translate to English, but trust me, they couldn't be more insulting.....

When I take a look at my own experiences (and reading about yours) I do think that there is a really great need not just to give guidance for those suffering from such impairments, but to give guidance to those close to them as well, like parents, children, siblings... And maybe even husband/wife... Dating somebody with psychiatric backgrounds can be very interesting for those who want to have an open mind to it, but some professional insights when it actually becomes a relationship can help a lot...

What I do know is that only those who suffer from the same disorder you do can fully understand what it means to suffer from it, but if there's the will to understand it, then a lot has been won, and then loads of things become possible.

And in both your and my parents defense, I must also note that recognition of these issues is pretty new. It's already better than it was 30 years ago. But there is still a long way to go. My parents were therefore raised in a time where this recognition was not there (I do not know how old yours are). Then it was indeed, have some fresh air, relax awhile and forget about it. Now we know better than that, but it will take awhile before everybody does. But I know that even that fact cannot change the pain ☹

Oh, what country do you live in? It sounds...dutch? And, I think it's cool that your a writer...I try to write stuff too...its alright sometimes, I guess....my characters are kinda like...extensions of myself, if that makes sense...Like, I give them certain attributes of myself, and shape them accordingly...

Honestly, thats just what people need...to be guided, and to have someone be patient with them...my brother tries to help me out best he can, and to be honest, that is the best help Ive ever gotten.

I dont think it willl ever be fully understood, but as long as a small part can be felt by everyone, I think that would be a big breakthrough.

Yeah, youre correct....I try not to hold it against them, and to be honest, I think that might lead to me blaming myself sometimes. ((Our parents are around the same age, I think. They both grew up in a time when mental disorders weren't really recognized.)) I hope people understand that mental illness are like ACTUAL illnesses one day...even if that day comes long after Im gone.

Yes that was indeed Dutch, and I live in the Netherlands.
And yeah, a lot of my characters are also based on my own characteristics.
Here you can find a quick English translation of the introduction chapter of a novel of mine:
https://www.traxinspace.com/discussions/general/view/2135?w=all (Don't mind errors, this was only a quick translation from Dutch).... The novel is about a female Elf who has autism... Being an Aspie myself I thought I was the right person to come up with such a character.

My parents will both turn 70 this year, and I will be 45 this year... I hate to speak of illness, but rather of an impairment or handicap, but no matter what you name it, by denying its existence (they tried) it won't go away.

The Netherlands has a lot of organizations now giving support to those with autism, schizophrenia, ADHD, borderline, well you name it. It helps people to set up a life for themselves, and yes it may seem odd, but to attain self-reliance. The guardians are trained to only help you with those things you cannot do yourself and to give emotional support. Whatever you can do by yourself without help they will let you do yourself or try to stimulate you to do it yourself. And they try to measure things. If you cannot live on your own you'll be put in a group where they can keep a better eye on you, if you can live on your own, you can do so, pay your own rent, your own electricity, gas, water, whatever, and take care of your own food. I do not know about other countries, unfortunately... It's not perfect, but then again, nothing is, but it is a good thing.

Your books sound cool....I cant write very good...

Oh, well, I guess my parents are younger...Im actually a teenager, haha...

Im glad at least 1 country is doing its best to help people with mental illnesses. In Mexico, we still have a long way to go...

Ah, so you're from Mexico? Not that's it's important, but it's just that I didn't draw the wrong conclusion.... These kind of developments need time. Approx 20 years or so I did visit a group with guardians in the Czech Republic, and that pretty bad compared to the Netherlands, but as the Czech Republic was back then still in recovery from the Soviet regime, what they had was back then a great improvement and we were there by invitation of a guy who was trying to learn from how the Dutch did it back then. I really don't know how the situation is now, but some of my back then guardians told me, that what I saw was pretty close to how it was in the Netherlands approx 20 to 30 years before my visit there I can only imagine the Czech Republic must have improved too (although many factors, including politics play an important role, and I have no idea how things went). I do not know what issues Mexico is all facing, since setting this all up costs money and requires a lot of devoted people to work on it. Of course, depending on the mental situation, people with impairments can, if left unchecked and unguided, become dangerous to themselves and their surroundings (not always, but sometimes certainly), and the damage that can bring can cost more. So when you solely focus on money there is also a lot to gain. All I can hope for is that enough people in Mexico understand the need and are devoted to setting things up, and if they are, perhaps they should contact the Netherlands. I came in the Czech Republic myself after meeting two Czech guardians in training who were on a learning journey in the Netherlands to see how the Dutch handle things in this department. I'm sure they'd welcome Mexicans who wish to set things up in Mexico as well... of course, the hard part is that the Netherlands values the privacy of the clients of these organizations, and thus these clients much agree to welcome those people to have a look... But there are always some who won't mind...

True...though, I do have hope. Thats all we can have, really...

Ah..can you...try and translate some more...? Im really interested in it...

I read the chapter of your book...its really good!

And, yeah, Mexico is in really bad shape right now...I doubt metal facilities will improve any time soon. For right now, if you want things like therapy or something like that, you need to cross the border into America, which is pretty annoying to do.

I cannot yet promise more translations, as I must be careful not to leak too much or I may bring myself in disfavor to any editors who may like my work. But I do have a few more translations lying around and I can definitely give you some. I do need some time to look them up, though... So hang on ;-)

Oh, really?! Thats cool...thank you!

Yeah, and not to get political, but I guess Donald Trump is not gonna make things easier either. Never lose hope though... If you've seen how quickly Europe turned into a great place to be after the devastation of WWII, you'd be surprised. My point is, you never know how things can turn out and how quickly.

And thank you for your appreciation of my writing work. That means a lot to me ;)

I also have emotional trauma.

Im sorry...