Actually the OP is correct, only that microwaves are far less (immediately?) dangerous than nukes.
Continous and/or close enough exposure can cause damage on the cellular & chromosomal level, causing mutations which can cause cancer, as exhibited by the increased incidence of brain cancer with long term cell phone users.
Even when using a microwave oven it is advised to stand at least 8 feet away when on, and those are for new ones. Aged ones are worse.
There is even a theory that basic electromagnetic radiation is the chief cause of the rise of cancer rates in the modern age. Yes, that electrical cord near you might give you cancer. While that may be overly simplistic and ignore a whole host of other possible contributions such as carcinogens and whatnot, the notion is an interesting one.
The OP's tone may seem to exaggerate the danger, taking it to an extreme, but there is a basis in truth in it.
btw, I liked your original name better, just saying.