RDJ boring

Usually the people giving the advice are the ones least equipped to do so. No one can truly relate to what another person is experiencing unless they have lived through it themselves, and even then people deal with things differently. I imagine it's never helpful to have some know it all ass lecture you on something they couldn't possibly understand.

I have had someone tell me before that depression is just in your head, and that it's not an actual thing, I cried about that later that night because maybe they were right, and maybe the problem is just me, as it always with. If I could go back to that day now I'd punch them

A very common mistake, and one I've come across myself a lot too.

Of course what I also know about depression (playing a devil's advocate now) is that there (unfortunately) are people who exaggerate things when life's not going the way they want it, and that leads to people easily not taking things seriously, but the point with mental things is, because people are (unknowingly) always presenting themselves better than they really feel, it's often hard to tell the fakes apart from people who are for real.

In loads of times though, faker or for real, people have hardly a clue of what they are talking about, and think that with just lecturing people. Tell them to get a grip on their lives. Telling them that there's nothing wrong with them. Stop to live in the past. I guess you've heard it all before. And have you ever experienced that when you believe they are right and try to follow their "advices" that you actually get worse than you already are? I have....

Now I suffer from Asperger myself (that was not a secret, btw), but most of my trouble is not caused by that. But by people who ignorantly tried to push me into the directions I should NEVER have gone to traumatizing me in the process. Unfortunately many people I've met are guilty here.

But then again, my godfather suffers from Parkinson's disease, and I did once ask him if he also had to deal with people who would tell him how to live with Parkinson, while they knew nothing at all. He understood my question completely, and confirmed he also had to deal with those kind of people.

And the worst part is that loads of people think I want pity when I tell all this. Nobody ever got better from pity. What I need is people who take me, my ambitions and the trouble that stands in my way seriously, and who is forgiving on those things my impairment blocks me from, and allowing me to do that what I can do best, and appreciate me for that. And that is hardly what I get from people... unless they are either professionals, or in the same boat as me.... Sounds familiar?

"And the worst part is that loads of people think I want pity when I tell all this. Nobody ever got better from pity."

THAT is the problem. People do truly believe that all a person wants is pity or attention. And partially thanks to everything said up top about some who exaggerate are and likely just whining about things not going their way. My personal experience in depression, panic or anxiety is not that I seek pity but rather understanding, or just company.

And when I find myself answering someone who confides in me I make an effort to remember my own expectations. Sometimes just being a nonjudgmental person to talk to goes a very long way.

Non-judgemental goes indeed a long way. Nothing is normal and nothing is odd. I wouldn't wanna be normal, as that would really mean I'm odd. I guess that's why I'm happy for having a cat. She just loves me for giving her food and attention and doesn't judge me for the things other people are very eager to judge me on.

Of course, the only way you can understand what it means to have Asperger, like me, is having Asperger yourself, but what I learned over time is, when people have the will to understand it, and the will not to be too quick in their judgment, they can get along with me very well, and some people even learned from me just by being in my presence, and not by the stories I can tell about the things I know a lot about, simply by not judging me, but simply by trying to find out why I do what I do. Crazy, huh?

Right! I have actually developed the habit of thinking about this sort of thing in dealing with people when I am out and about. Or even online. Some folks may come off a certain way, and it's easy to get angry and judge but I assume that the person may have something going on underneath that they are working through. I feel more sympathy than anything these days for that reason. You just don't know what's what unless you talk to someone. And make an effort to understand of course.

Indeed... I must say that I am glad my meme brought these reactions. For starters it's always good to know you're not alone, and although I can see that the core of most issues are different that the core in mine, I can still see things I can relate to.
And indeed, a lot of people have something underneath they are working on. And the will to understand it is key, and the will to accept yourself as you are, as some people who didn't accept it, also didn't show understanding toward me, and say that I must get a grip on myself, like they do... Oh man, ignorance about things is one thing, but not wanting to accept yourself and trying to get others to not to accept themselves.... Oh crap....

That is why I made this stream. I think when we have someplace to talk with others who share in similar struggles it just helps us feel less isolated or boxed in. It's been working well so far I think. We haven't had any trolls stop by so I'm happy about that. The addiction stream has also been a good place to vent. I'm happy that people are comfortable here and even happier that we usually get good responses.

And I applaud the initiative for this channel/stream/whatever for that reason. I don't have the illusion the trolls will never come here, so I do think strict (or at least alert) moderation should be taken in order. Especially (I've seen this with forums with similar topics before) since when it does go wrong due to some childish and respectless trolls, things can go extremely fast, but when the moderators act fast on the fist troll attempt, streams/channel/whatever like these can indeed be wonderful.

yeay, that sounds very familiar. People always seem to like giving advice to problems that they don;t understand, and push people to do steps that often end up with something else going on. And I feel you on the sympathy thing. For me I don't want people to feel sorry for me, but rather act normal. of course there are going to be some things I'm not as comfortable with doing as my friends are, or some days where I just don't want to go out, but when i'm there treat me like an actual person, and not like a puppy that needs sheltering. Because when that happens all I feel like is a bother, and not someone you genuinely want to hang out with, morel like someone you feel you have to

Mental illness is just like any other illness such as the a cold. Even though it is invisible unlike a physical condition, it is not someone’s fault for becomeing mentally ill. Sorry to hear you went through this. The world is full of uneducated insensitive know-it-all’s who only believe what a conspiracy theory tells them over actual medical study.

Hahaha... I have only revealed the tip of the iceberg about myself, and it's not that the world is not allowed to know what I went through, but I'm not sure a meme-site is the proper place to reveal it all, plus the story is complex (and the character limit of these comment boxes too narrow). :)

Indeed mental illness, or impairment, or whatchamacallit has much in common with their physical counterparts, but missing my legs would be easier to understand than my mental limits, it does indeed lead to these kinds of things. Now I've met a lot of physical impaired people as well, and the parents of my former girl-friend were both visually impaired, and that taught me that they too suffer from lack of understanding from the world around them.

And I've heard a lot of people say about Jetta Klijnsma (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jetta_Klijnsma), a physically disabled Dutch politician who managed to become secretary of state (in the previous Dutch government), that she shows disabled persons can get to the top. Well, it's true, but I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard that. Klijnsma's case cannot be compared to what other people go through even when they suffer the same thing she does. It's a common mistake, to compare to disabled people with one another, either physically or mentally.

And I'm not even sure if it's all conspiracy beliefs. I can safely say that I've suffered a lot in conversations with people who are well-educated and some of them even in medical science too. To make it worse, some people who I deem ignorant were people who were said to be professionally trained to in the field of Autism (to which my own condition Asperger is closely related). Incompetence in the field of mental health care is also an issue I've dealt with a lot. Fortunately, a lot of improvements are made over the years, I've seen it change, but that doesn't fix the damaged it cause to me and those who are in similar situations as me.

One thing I don't like to do is give advice if it wasn't asked for. Or unless I actually have some thing helpful to share. People who have not had to live with (insert problem here) are the least equipped to speak on anything. And we didn't come out of a cookie cutter, so what is a perfect solution for one person may not help another person at all.

I think my depression is linked to my embarrassing memories and the feeling of being a failure now. Although probably no one around would think I am but when things get hard the depression gets worse.

I did embarrassing things in the past too that still haunt me, although I'm sure that nobody involved other than myself remembers those incidents... So I know the feeling. And all I can say is: "put it out of your head, nobody remembers so go on", but those words are pretty empty... aren't they?