I have a long joke for y'all.
One day not so far in the past, a devout Christian named Jimmy was on a train heading to visit his extended family who lived a couple of hundred miles away from him. Unfortunately, since Amtrak is a monopoly, their trains are VERY BAD. So, Jimmy's train broke down, and another train smashed into it before the Conductor could move the train onto another track.
Jimmy experienced a few seconds in a black void, and then he "magically" appeared in a long golden hall, with grandfather clocks stretching down as far as his eye could see. Jimmy also noticed something rather wacky about the grandfather clocks, there was no glass protecting the clock hands from someone messing with them.
Suddenly, a glorious angel teleported right in front of Jimmy. The angel looked right at Jimmy and introduced himself as Michael.
When Jimmy got over being so frightened from the angel's sudden appearance he asked Michael why there were so many grandfather clocks, and why there were so many fricking clocks.
Michael responded and said, "Well Jimmy, every person on earth has their own person grandfather clock in this infinitely long hall - "
"Why are we in such a hall as this?" asked Jimmy.
"It's were everyone lines up to get through the golden gates and into the Kindom of Heaven," said Michael.
Jimmy then asked Michael to continue.
Michael said, "Every time someone lies, their second-hand moves. If someone lies 60 times their minute hand moves. If someone lies 60 more times, the hour hand moves. We have some other stuff in this clock to keep count if the hour hand moves 24 times. Also, everyone that has died still has their clock in this hall."
"Wow, that's amazing, Where's Abraham Lincoln's clock?" asked Jimmy.
Michael showed Jimmy Abe Lincolns clock, and lo and behold, Abe Lincoln had only lied twice!
Michael then showed Jimmy Donald Trump's clock after he asked and Trump's clock showed that he lied 14 times.
"But wait, where's Obama's clock?" asked Jimmy with the utmost curiosity.
"Oh, Obama's clock is in Jesus's office, he's using it as a fan," replied Michael.
THE END.
