I HEREBY INACT THE ANCIENT RULE OF IURA HORTULANI. (GARDENERS RIGHTS). HENCEFORTH IT SHALL BE KNOWN THAT ANYONE MOWING OVER OR WEED WACKING ANY PURPOSEFULLY PLANTED TREE, FLOWER, BUSH OR GARDEN SHALL BE HELD IN BONDAGE UNTIL AN APPROPRIATE CEREMONY FOR THEIR FLOGGING CAN BE PREPARED. THE DURATION OF THE FLOGGING WILL BE DETERMINED BY THE FLOGGER BASED UPON THE COST, LABOR AND LOVE OF SAID SLAUGHTERED PLANT. MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SADISTIC SOUL.
