Everyone knows I spend a lot of time in the kitchen

A drunk walks into a bar one night and reads a sign on the wall that says "Ask me about our contest".

"What's this about your contest?" the drunk queried.

"Oh yeah," the bartender said, "we have this contest going. If you can hit the bull's eye three times in a row, you win a prize."

"I think I might try your contest," the drunk replied. "Give me a drink."

So the bartender fixes him a drink, the man glugs it down, and throws the dart. BANG! It hits the bull's eye.

"Fix me two drinks!" the drunk says. The bartender complies. The man throws a second dart and BAM! it hits the bull's eye.

"Wow! Nobody's ever done two before!" the bartender cried in awe.

"Yeah, well fix me three drinks!" the man says, and the bartender does. BAM! a third dart hits the bull's eye. By this point, the man is sloppy drunk. "What do I get?" he asked.

The bartender didn't know what to give him since no one had ever one before. So, he grabbed a turtle out of a terrarium and handed it to the man who then stumbled out of the bar.

A couple of weeks later, the same man comes back into the bar, sober.

"Hey!" the bartender says. "You gonna try our contest again? That was pretty incredible last time."

"Yeah," the man says, "I think I will. Give me three darts." BANG BANG BANG! they all hit the bull's eye. "So what do I get?" the man asks.

"Well what did I give you last time?" The bartender questioned.

"I'm not sure," answered the man, "but I think it was a roast beef sandwich on a hard roll."

Good one. :)

My brother worked with a crane operator that couldn't do his job sober.

I wouldn't do that job sober either. The tall ones for building construction? I don't think I'd do it period.

Steel factory. Crane on a track, but still.

Even more need for sobriety. I will on occasion go to the taproom down the street for 'lunch' during a work day, but only after I know all the hard work is done and there are only a couple hours left after I come back. Only a couple times I've returned a little more intoxicated than I should be and thankfully I work outside and away from the important people. ;)

I got into the habit of not drinking on the job. Very few times did that occur. Maybe three or four times between the ages of 15 and 51. AFTER work, all bets are off.

I drank during work hours once in 25 years, and then a great taproom - the one in my million-point photo - moved in three minutes walk away about two years ago. If I have to work through lunch one day then I have an hour the next to relax in a very relaxing environment. That said, I've sworn it off for the summer; I need to reduce this beer gut by not drinking as much and actually using lunch time for a walk like I used to all the time.

Haha.

Slow and cute >-<

Looks like an average cook to me.

Slow cooking is the best cooking