HOW DID I LOSE THE ELECTION? "I RAN OUT OF GAS! I HAD A FLAT TIRE! I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR CAB FARE! MY TUX DIDN'T COME BACK FROM THE CLEANERS! AN OLD FRIEND CAME IN FROM OUT OF TOWN! SOMEONE STOLE MY CAR! THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE! A TERRIBLE FLOOD! LOCUSTS! IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I SWEAR TO GOD."
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