You will have to listen to Melanie Martinez's "Pity Party" to get the reference. The original refrain was "It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry, cry, cry...
I worked at a place that had an automatic flusher AND water pressure that was so high that the water shot over the rim (luckily it didn't flush 9 times while you were using it). So, you had to jump up and try to get 2 or 3 feet away before your pants got drenched with shit water.
We finally got smart and covered the sensor with a post it note.
It's nice that you had a post-it note on hand. Once, I had to dab a piece of toilet paper in the toilet water then stick it over the sensor. Served it right.
Me to wife of friend in college: "what's with women and the toilet seat being left up?"
Her: "well it isn't fun when you sit down and slip into the water when the seat is up"
Me: "shouldn't you perhaps look first?"
Her: "well it's hard to see in the dark"
Me: (confused look)
Her: "well I don't turn on the bathroom light when I go in the night..."
So ladies, if you're too lazy to turn on the light and too germophobic to put down the seat then your arse is going to be wet.
Caption this Meme 
