HAVE SOME CANDY, BILLY! THE WITCH FROM HANSEL AND GRETEL HAD IT RIGHT! WE ALL KNOW THOSE OBNOXIOUS KIDS: YELLING, SCREAMING, RUNNING THROUGH YOUR FLOWER GARDEN, URINATING ON YOUR HOUSE, AND BEING GENERALLY PAINS IN THE PATOOT! NOW, THANKS TO THE MIRACLE OF CANDY, YOU CAN PUT A STOP TO THEIR UNRULY WAYS. JUST LURE THEM IN WITH SWEETS, AND THEN CLOBBER THEM OVER THE HEAD. BY THE TIME THEIR PARENTS EVEN REALIZE THEY'RE MISSING, YOU'LL HAVE A FULLY STOCKED FREEZER. JUST REMEMBER NOT TO LAUGH HYSTERICALLY WHEN THE PARENTS KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR ASKING IF YOU'VE SEEN THEIR CHILD, AND YOU REPLY, "I'M SURE HE'S AROUND HERE, SOMEWHERE."; LET CANDY HELP YOU GET RID OF THOSE ANNOYING NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS!
