sorry for your loss. i can kinda relate. had a buddy who was a dealer/pimp. he was murdered in a deal. i thought he had it coming too. it really ticked me off cause at the end of his life he was scum but i still had love for my friend. i finally understood that the friend i had and knew died years before he was murdered. don't act like he was a saint but if you had a good relationship at any point try to remember those times