Hide the Pain Herbert the Pervert

I'M JUST BROWSIN' THE INTERNET TRYIN' TO FIND A YOUNG'UN THAT KNOWS ABOUT COMPUTERS BUT SO FAR I GOT NO HITS; I 'ENABLED' COOKIES, PUT AWAY THE FLOPPY DISK AND GOT THE HARD DRIVE HEATED UP, AND PUT OUT AN OPEN INVITATION TO VISIT MY HOMEPAGE, WHICH I GUARANTY HAS NO VIRUS