Some Random Guy: Yeah. Kill the Desert Fox Clan. They’ve been a pain in the ass for way too long now, them stealing my (insert item) was the last straw.
Phantom: You do realize it’s me vs. an entire gang of violent criminals, right? I’m not doing this.
[In a building’s dark and expansive basement, rumored to be the Desert Fox Clan’s hideout]
Phantom was creeping through a hallway, listening through every door and ventilation hole he could find to locate someone related to the clan, anyone related.
Phantom: Alrighty, where are ya creeps?
There was nothing.
But he could hear something very faintly. The sound of computer keys clicking. They were probably, like, hacking into something. I dunno.
Phantom: Gotcha.
He located the sound, and it led him to one door. Phantom piled some boxes, and crawled into an air duct above that would lead him inside the room, allowing him to sneak in safely.
Phantom: This is it…
He saw plenty of guards standing still. He would have to fight his way out… it wasn’t like Phantom had anything to live for in the first place. Besides, like, the fact that he’s a bad person and he’ll go to Hell. And he has a wife. And a house. And I think he has a dog. I dunno. Nevermind, he has lots to live for.
Phantom bust open the grate and dangled out, expecting to be shot at. But to his surprise, the guards stood still…
The guards were mannequins. There was nobody in the room.
Except for a woman, who was causing the keyboard clicking noises. She was typing on a computer. And she wasn’t hacking into some company’s database… she was watching ASMR slime videos on Youtube.
Phantom: Isn’t there like, supposed to be a bunch of criminal masterminds in here? Where’s the Desert Fox Clan? Are you one of them?
???: Me, oh, yeah. That. Yeah, I sorta got in trouble with the cops once, and I didn’t want to like, turn myself in. So, I kinda just said ‘screw it’ and decided to become a full-time criminal. I tried getting a bunch of other people in here, but apparently they had better things to do than give up their entire life and become a criminal mastermind. So, uhh… i’m just pretending to be a whole bunch of people, y’know, because it’s cool, and nobody will have the balls to confront ‘us’.”
Phantom: …wow, that’s… really lame. I was going to kill you, but now I don’t wanna.
Desert Fox: Aren’t you that guy who’s afraid of birds?
Phantom: No, uhh… wh-who told you that?
Desert Fox: Some random purple and blue knight guy with wings and a scythe, why?
Desert Fox: Sure, anyways, uhh… what do you do now?
Phantom: I dunno, you, uhh… i don’t know what to do with you, since like you’re a master criminal but I feel really bad for you, like, no villain should have that lame of a backstory.
i love how everyone’s looking at the animation that took me 10 minutes and not the story that took me an hour
[deleted]
0 ups, 7mo
FINE. I’LL CRY ABOUT IT
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