Onan: *does a little hopping around* Woo! Thank you, thank you very much. Alright.
*Someone in the audience woos*
Woo! That was late. Okay, I am on several performance-enhancing drugs, so hopefully tonight will be exciting.
*laughs*
We really do have a great show tonight, and I know when I say that, I'm lying about 50% of the time.
*chuckles in the audience*
Fine. 80% of the time.
*laughter*
But, I think we actually do. But first, let's get to the news. Today is, or was, 7/11. Yay, only two more months. Uhm...
*laughter*
Yeah, so 7-Eleven day. Tons of free slurpees sold today, and you're not gonna believe this. I went to pick mine up earlier today, and there was a bear. I'm not kidding, a literal bear.
*chuckles*
The bear asks for a beer, right? And the clerk, I think he tried charging him double. You know, since bears are stupid and all? So the clerk charges him and says, "Y'know, we don't get many bears around here." and the bear says, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
*laughter*
So, 9/11.
*chuckles*
I like how I can just bring up a horrible tragedy and get laughs now. Uhm, so if 9/11 was an inside job, what is 7/11? A part-time job.
*laughter and cringe in the audience*
Heh, look at that one guy in the front row, just respectfully applauding. "Come on guys, Onan tries hard, help him."
*laughter*
Right. We got a great show tonight, we have the legendary comedian Barry Todd tonight!
*cheers*
And we have special musical guest Hhhhhhh on our show as well!
*cheers*
And of course, we got some fun surprises in our show tonight, as always, stay tuned, we'll be right back!
