Sometimes I sit there and wonder what’s so wrong with me that I can give people every piece of my heart and still feel invisible when the room goes quiet. I try so hard to be enough. Enough to stay on someone’s mind. Enough to be loved loudly instead of conveniently. Enough to matter when I’m not useful, funny, or pretending I’m okay.But no matter what I do, there’s this weight in my chest that keeps whispering that I’ll always come second to everything else.I compare myself to everyone. Every person who’s prettier, smarter, happier, easier to love. And it hurts because no matter how much reassurance I get, it never sticks. The words fade after a while and I’m left alone with my own thoughts again, tearing myself apart in silence like it’s a habit I can’t break.I’m exhausted from trying to be the version of myself people won’t leave.There are days where I barely recognize who I’ve become. I sleep too much because being awake feels heavy. I lose interest in the things that used to make me feel alive. I stare at my phone hoping someone notices I’m fading without me having to beg for it. And when nobody does, it feels like proof that maybe I really am forgettable.I hate how badly I need reassurance. I hate how sensitive I am. I hate that one small thing can ruin my entire night because deep down I already feel unwanted, and it only takes one silence to confirm it.The worst part is pretending I’m okay so nobody gets tired of me.Because if I tell people how bad it really gets, I’m scared they’ll see me as too much. Too emotional. Too broken. Too hard to love. So I swallow everything until it turns into this constant ache sitting inside me, and I carry it around every single day like it belongs there.I just want to feel like I matter without having to earn it first.
