$2068 to Ruin My Life (version 3)
So… I’ve been thinking about becoming a music producer.
Not like a normal one—no, no. I want to make songs with virtual singers.
Yeah. Not real people.
Because real people have emotions… and boundaries.
Virtual singers?
They’ll sing anything.
And I mean anything.
I’ve been looking into VOCALOID and Synthesizer V…
And I was like, “Wow, this is amazing! This is my calling!”
Then I saw the price.
Two thousand… sixty-eight… dollars.
$2,068.
At that point, it’s not music production anymore—that’s a financial decision.
That’s the kind of purchase where your bank calls you like:
“Hey… are you okay?”
And the worst part?
You’re not even buying a person.
You’re buying… a voice.
Not even a full human. Just… vocal cords DLC.
And I already know what kind of songs I’d make.
Dark ones.
Like, concerningly dark.
Because apparently, one of my favorite Vocaloid characters is basically associated with… cannibal themes.
Yeah. Yi Xi.
You ever realize your music taste would get you investigated in 3–5 business days?
Like imagine explaining that to someone:
“Oh yeah, I spent $2,068 so a fictional character can sing about eating people.”
That’s not a hobby.
That’s a confession.
And then there’s Hatsune Miku.
Miku is wild to me.
Because she looks like she should be singing about… friendship… happiness… maybe walking through a field of flowers.
Meanwhile, producers are like:
“Yeah, today she’s going to sing about existential dread and psychological collapse.”
And she just goes:
🎶 [perfectly cheerful voice] 🎶
“I am losing my grip on reality~ 😊”
That’s the scary part.
It’s not the content… it’s how happy it sounds.
Like, if a real person sang that, you’d be concerned.
If Miku sings it?
Millions of views.
And I realized something.
If I spend $2,068 on this…
I don’t need therapy anymore.
Because now I can just produce my problems.
Like instead of journaling, I’ll just be in my room like:
“Alright Miku, today we’re processing trauma.”
🎶 “Why do I feel like this~?” 🎶
And she’s just hitting perfect pitch while I’m emotionally collapsing in the background.
But honestly?
That might be the healthiest option.
Because if I told a real person my thoughts, they’d be like:
“Hey man… you should talk to someone.”
If I tell a Vocaloid?
They’re like:
“Would you like to export this as a WAV file?”
