Mr penis

CHAPTER EIGHT — DEVESTO

The corridor stretched on, the dim lights flickering overhead. Every step echoed in a way that made the group feel exposed, as if the bunker itself was listening.

Then—

A shadow moved.

Just a blur, near the intersection ahead.

Corpse.Bride froze. “Did anyone else—?”

“Yes,” Toady whispered sharply.

Everyone instinctively crowded together.

Randomiser grabbed Nobleranger’s hoodie.
“I swear if it’s a mutant I’m gonna cry on purpose.”

But as the shadow stepped fully into the weak light—

Twelve groans filled the hallway.

Mewo said it first.

“Oh hell no.”

Cornball slapped a hand over his face.
“You gotta be kidding me.”

Goober whimpered dramatically.
“Anyone but him…”

Norther blinked twice in disbelief.
“Even in a nuclear extermination scenario… he still finds us?”

Curator muttered under their breath, “This apocalypse just got significantly worse.”

Shira sighed heavily. “Of course. Of course it’s him.”

Because walking toward them, hands shoved in his pockets, smirking like he owned the bunker, was none other than:

Devesto.

The one person the entire group mutually, unanimously disliked.

Even hated.

Every friend group has one outsider who just vibes wrong—and Devesto was the textbook definition.

He was freaky in the uncanny way: always too close, always staring too long, always talking in a whisper that somehow carried across a room. Devesto didn’t just make people uncomfortable—he thrived on it. He said weird things on purpose, acted like he knew secrets he shouldn’t, and delighted in crossing boundaries he “didn’t believe in.”

And now, apparently, the universe decided they had to share a nuclear bunker with him.

Fantastic.

Devesto stopped five feet away, head tilted like a broken puppet.

“Well, well,” he hissed—voice oily, breathy, unpleasant.
“If it isn’t everyone’s favorite friend group. Surviving without me? I’m touched.”

Mewo whispered, “You’re not part of the friend group.”

Toady stepped forward protectively.
“What are you doing here, Devesto? No jokes. No weirdness. Just talk.”

Devesto grinned, too wide.
“You act like I caused the bombs.”

“No,” Nobleranger said, trying very hard to stay calm.
“You act like someone who would.”

Randomiser hid behind him. “Yeah, your whole vibe is terrorist-adjacent.”

Devesto clasped his hands together, mock-offended.
“Rude.”

Goober took a shaky breath.
“Y–You shouldn’t sneak around in the dark like that.”

“Oh, but I didn’t sneak.”
His eyes glinted.
“I was here first.”

That made everyone stop.

Shira frowned. “Here first… as in this bunker?”

Devesto nodded once, sharply.
“Yes. Exploring. Watching. Waiting.”

Cornball whispered to Curator,
“I don’t care what the apocalypse rules are—leave him outside.”

But Toady shook their head.
“As long as he’s here, we don’t turn our backs.”

Devesto stepped closer, voice dropping to a chilling near-whisper.
“There’s something down there,” he said, gesturing deeper into the tunnel.
“I heard it hours ago. I watched it move. I think it’s looking for something.”

Mewo raised a brow. “Like what?”

Devesto smiled slowly.

“…Us.”

Corpse.Bride grabbed Shira’s arm. “He’s lying. He has to be.”

Norther, though logical, felt something cold trickle down his spine.
“He might be right. The sound did resemble footsteps.”

Devesto leaned in, whispering like he was sharing a bedtime story meant to keep children awake forever.

“You think the bombs were the scariest part of today?”
A soft laugh.
“Something in this bunker survived. Something that shouldn’t have.”

Randomiser panicked. “Cool. Cool. Great. I'm leaving.”

But before anyone could move—

THUNK.

A heavy metallic impact, much closer than before.

Everyone went dead silent.

Devesto’s smile vanished.
He took a genuine step back.

“…It followed me here.”

Toady whispered, “Everyone… behind me. Now.”

The group clustered together, terror rising.

Nobleranger tightened his grip on the flashlight.
Shira steadied Corpse.Bride.
Goober gripped Cornball’s sleeve again.
Randomiser tried not to scream.
Mewo swallowed hard.
Curator breathed slowly through panic.

Devesto watched the darkness with a strange mix of fear and fascination.

Then—

The lights flick

I am evil

horny loser*

*evil