🔥 The Meeting Begins

Steve: standing, voice stern
“All of you are here because the team balance was broken. But before challenges resume tomorrow, you need to know what you’ve signed up for.”
He looks at the fire.
“This isn’t just a game. It hasn’t been for a long time.”

Joe Metri Desh (jumping in place):
“So the spikes weren’t part of a minigame??”

Middle Finger Cat:
Raises the finger.

📜 Spamton Begins The Lore Dump

Spamton (erratic, enthusiastic):
“ARE YOU READY FOR A [[ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME]] EXPANDED WARRANTY OF TRAUMA?!?! CAUSE WE’RE ALL WALKING, TALKING CLICK HERE FOR PTSD!!! [[KROMER!!!]]”

Ernst:
“…Proceed.”

📌 Major Events Recap (Spamton-Style)

Spamton:
“IT ALL STARTED ON DAY !!1!! WHEN THE RITUAL RULERS SUMMONED A GIANT GOAT DEMON. CASSIE BARGAINED WITH A [[LIMITED EDITION VOID CREATURE!!!]] THEN SPHINX THREW A BOULDER AT THE MOON, THEN NOXOR TURNED INTO WHATEVER HE WAS BEFORE TAXES HAPPENED, AND THEN—”

Golden Freddy:
“At what point did someone get set on fire?”

Spamton:
“DAY 5. OR 6. OR POSSIBLY BREAK ROOM SNACK TIME.”

Beans: hits play on Bowser fart GIF

Steve: grabs tablet and throws it into the sea
“Continue.”

💀 On Blobie

Spamton:
“THEN BLOBIE. THE SMALL ONE. STARTED SHOWING SIGNS OF [[ASCENSION-ERROR]]. HIS BODY WAS TAKEN OVER BY ‘THE AWAKENER’— A BEING BEYOND JUDGMENT, WHO TURNS LIVING THINGS INTO POWER.”

Ernst:
“So he’s feral.”

Spamton:
“He’s beyond feral™. He’s ‘PERSONAL SPACE NOT FOUND’ LEVEL.”

A deep, animalistic roar echoes in the far woods. Virian glances nervously but stays calm.

💥 On Recent Attacks

Steve:
“Recently, Blobie has attacked Cassie, Sphinx, and Spamton using catastrophic force. Sphinx was nearly decapitated. Jane Doe sacrificed herself to save Cassie. Most of us would’ve died if something… or someone… stronger didn’t intervene.”

Virian:
“He didn’t attack everyone, though. He chooses. That means he thinks.”

Silence.

🚄 The Train Incident – Spamton’s Moment of Clarity

Spamton (glitchy at first):
“YES!!! AND DURING THE LABYRINTH EXPEDITION, HE DECIDED TO THROW A TEMPORARY HIGH-VELOCITY GIFT DELIVERY VEHICLE – A TRAIN – AT ME!!! [[NOW 80% OFF BROKEN BONES!!]]”

He stops… lifts his glasses gently.

Spamton (speaking clear and calm):
“When I saw that train hurtling toward me…
I understood, in that moment, that I would die. Not in a funny way. Not in a spam joke. Just… end.
And then… Kaibi stepped in front of it. One finger. Stopped everything.
He didn’t hesitate. He looked at me like I mattered. Like… like I was someone worth saving.”

His hands tremble.

Spamton:
“If he hadn’t been there… I wouldn’t be speaking to you at all. That’s the truth.”
He looks down.
“…I owe him everything.”

One breath.

Spamton (instantly back to chaotic):
“BUT ANYWAY!!!!! BUY ONE GET ONE REDEMPTION ARC!!! CALL NOW!!! BEFORE THE PSYCHIC WARRANTY EXPIRES!!! [[KROMER!!!!!]]”

🪓 Anzor & The Possession

Steve:
“Not long after, Anzor came back. He was influenced by both the Awakenener and Nocturne. He tried to break Wembry mentally. Said she was worthless. That she was doomed. Nothing worked to stop him…”

Steve grips his sword.

Steve:
“So I cut him in half.”

Golden Freddy (quiet):
“...Metal.”

Virian (softly):
“Was she okay?”

Steve:
“No. But she’s still here.”

⚠️ Final Warning

Steve:
“Understand this:

Nobody is safe from Blobie.

Powers aren’t shields.

And if you break… this island will break with you.”

Middle Finger Cat:
“...Cute.”

Ernst:
“I estimate a 7% survival rate now. Interesting.”

🙏 Final Words Before Sleep

Virian:
“…If Blobie comes tonight, I’ll wake the moon.”

Steve:
“Then let’s pray it listens.”

Spamton:
“AND IF NOT!!! THERE’S ALWAYS A [[NEXT DAY DELIVERY!!!]] ON DOOMSDAY!”

Thunder cracks. Deep in the woods, something growls and scrapes against a tree.

Everyone goes quiet.