So you still admit that you rather want people to praise you instead?
I'm not speaking hatred, just logic. Go take a walk, do some sports, hit gym, just find more habits, it doesn't have to be small. Nature cures you, external validation won't.
Again, your life is still yours. Chasing to stay here and constantly circle in this "Vent, hate, drama" won't go anywhere. I said it, just find habits.
Walking resets your mind, praying a peace, training builds soul. I said it countless times, but I don't think I could give simple advice to someone who doesn't want to save themselves...