Read the vent and it's fine if you don't it's nothing important

Yeah Expecting others to read your mind is delusional but It's not empty words I'm after. There was something else I desire all along. Not mutual understanding, friendship, companionship, or anything of the sort. I don't care about being understood. I simply wish to understand. Understand, know, and rest easy in that knowledge gain some peace of mind. Wanting to know people inside-out! because being in dark terrifies me is an awfully self-indulgent, egotistic, and arrogant wish. It's downright despicable and disgusting. Having a desire like that makes me sick to the stomach But if it's at all possible to share that desire- if it's possible to have a relationship where you're free to burden one another with that repulsive self-gratification I know that it's out of the question I know that it's out of my reach Even so! I I want something genuine